


One-Two-Three What Are We Fighting For

by taggiecb



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Cop Harry, First Time, Hand Jobs, Hate Crimes, Hate to Love, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mentions of Death, Mentions of Suicide, Stereotypes, Therapy, Violence, biker louis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-08
Updated: 2017-07-08
Packaged: 2018-11-29 13:53:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11442258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taggiecb/pseuds/taggiecb
Summary: “Do you know why these people are protesting this man’s funeral?” Louis continues, letting his frustration out on this motionless creature in front of him. “Because of who he loved. But I am the bad guy because I am trying to protect those people in there from these people out here. I am the bad guy because I am standing in leather pants and drive a motorbike, and those pricks are ‘Christians’.” He raises his fingers to quote.The sudden motion makes the man flinch, just slightly. No one would notice if they weren’t staring so intently as Louis is now. Louis notices though, and he takes some sort of satisfaction that he got even a slight rise from the man.“We aren’t the bad guys here. And yet who would you be arresting if something went down right now? You know the answer to that don’t you? Just moving my hand made you flinch. Those idiots are jumping around behind you, waving signs and God knows what else, and you aren’t so concerned with them. But one move of my hand, and you were ready to pull a weapon on me. Don’t deny it.”





	One-Two-Three What Are We Fighting For

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mc_writer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mc_writer/gifts).



> I'm adding the prompt to my notes because I do not have enough space in my summary. But I loved this prompt so much. Thank you.
> 
> Social justice or Advocacy AU. I love me some social justice or advocacy stuff. Think, driven and passionate Doctors Without Borders doctor butting heads with a  
> Documentary Film Maker that he thinks is milking other people's suffering for profit. Or a protester at Standing Rock and a journalist (or a lawyer. Or maybe even a cop who's been assigned to break up the protests?) if you can teach me something while I read, I'd love it. Gay rights activist and closeted...I don't know...rich donor that gives them money for their work? Is there an issue close to your heart that you can put in a fic? Tell me. I love learning me stuff.
> 
>  
> 
> I want to first and formost thank mc_writer for the wonderful prompts. I was so excited to start as soon I read my challenge. I know the tags look scary, and they are. But I wanted to write something that was meaningful, not only to me, but hopefully a lot of people who want to read this. 
> 
> I can't really justify the tags, and I can't say that they aren't as bad as they look, I tagged it for a reason, but I want to assure you that everything comes out positive, wonderful even, and if you feel like you can handle some of the negative parts, it will be a worthwhile read. 
> 
> If you don't think you can handle it, don't, it's ok. Take care of yourself first.

 

 

It’s an overcast day in August when Louis pulls up to the small building. On either side of him are Harleys and choppers much like his. A group of a dozen or so men and women lumber up the steps of the funeral home and silently wait. Wait for what, they aren’t sure yet.

Inside, a family is saying goodbye to their son. A man who died far too early and for reasons that he couldn’t change. Probably didn’t want to. And as if that wasn’t enough, a group of ignorant, homophobic assholes, God knew what other labels could be added to them, are coming to protest his funeral. Louis can barely stomach it, but at least he and his companions can do what they have the power to do, and that is to stand in protest. Counter protest that is.

It’s part of him now, part of who he is, part of what he is. It didn’t start that way. For a lot of his adult life, Louis was just a man, a  counselor for troubled youth, but one day he heard about this church protesting the funeral of a boy who died because he was gay and in a club where he should have felt safe. Since that fateful day, he has done what he could to stand up for what he believes in, in any small way he can.

This gloomy morning doesn’t look as if it’s going to be much different than any of the rest. He speaks in whispered tones to his friend Zayn about their plans for the weekend and whether they should go out for a bite to eat afterwards. Louis has a small hope in the back of his head that the crowd that Louis has become all too familiar with won’t show up this time. He always has a small hope though, and they always show up.

Today is no different. A group of two cars pull up to the steps, directly behind Louis’ bike. Just close enough to make Louis think they are going to knock them all right over, but they don’t. Of course they don’t. They are always very careful to not do anything that could implicate them. Louis learned that quickly. That doesn't mean they don’t act like complete douchebags in the process.

“Trying to corrupt the kids again Tomlinson?” One of the more outspoken members of the “church” shouts as he drags a large sign from his car. “You know what they say.” He holds it up, and sees in large red letters GOD HATES GAYS.

“Clever.” Louis says, mostly under his breath.

“What was that Tomlinson?” The guy eggs on. “I’m surprised you haven’t lost your job yet. Does your boss know you’re a faggot?”

Louis can feel Zayn tense beside him, and Louis puts a hand on his arm to stop him. Apparently it’s just the thing to encourage the loud mouth. “You both should be put in jail. I bet you’re just a couple of child molestors.” And with that Zayn is down the steps and tossing the sign from the guy’s hand. The man, Gordon Louis thinks his name is, backs up considerably as Zayn pushes his chest up flush with his.

“Wanna say that to my face pal?” He says in his quiet way. The guy doesn’t say anything at first, and Louis hopes that’s as exciting as the altercation gets. That is until Gordon smirks, and reaches into his pocket. Louis is about to shout to Zayn to watch out until he sees that it’s a phone, and Louis groans loudly. The guy calls 911 immediately.

  
****

 

“We got a complaint.” Harry’s lieutenant announces to the room. “A protest getting a bit out of hand between the church and the Wolves. We need a few officers present to keep the peace.”  Harry keeps his head down. He hates those assignments. There is never a happy resolve, and someone always ends up crossing the line. If anyone asked Harry he would tell them that the presence of police just seem to escalate that. But no one does ask, and no one seems to care how much he wants to avoid such a lose lose situation.

“Styles!” His name being called causes his head to shoot up from the desk.

“Yes sir.” Harry replies automatically, allowing his training to take over.

“Suit up. You’re going with Payne.” The lieutenant barks.

Harry sighs as quietly as he’s able and counts to three before he repeats a more defeated, “Yes sir.” He looks towards Liam, who is happily slipping his hat on his head and grabbing a set of keys from his desk. Liam loves his job. Harry does too, but not like his partner.

He wishes he could have just an ounce of his enthusiasm, but he will settle for the knots in his stomach to ease as he gets in the passenger side of the car.

 

They pull up with another car close behind. They both silently assess the situation before they exit the car. They check for visible weapons mostly but also just the overall mood of the entire group. This time it's mostly just broody pouting on one side and smirking gloats on the other.

“Do you ever wonder what kind of good we are actually doing in these situations?” Harry asks Liam before he puts his hand on the door handle.

“Of course, we are. We’re protecting people. Protect and serve.” Liam replies without an ounce of doubt in his voice.

“Who are we protecting here, Liam?” Harry asks. Liam pauses for a second before he shakes his head a little and smirks at Harry.

“Let’s go get em.” Harry nods, keeping the bad taste in his mouth to himself.

He hangs back, watching as many people at once as he can, and lets Liam take the lead. The other two officers are falling even further back, circling the church group from behind.

“Everyone step back please.” Liam announces as he attempts to usher the biker group from the steps of the funeral home. None of them move. They know their rights.

“We are fine where we are.” The man nearest Liam says with a dignified confidence.

“We can’t have the peace being disturbed at a person’s funeral.” Liam says, trying to sound as authoritative as he can.

“Then you should find no problem with us.” The man, seemingly the leader, replies, giving a meaningful stare to the people on the other side of the invisible line that seems to be drawn at the bottom to the steps.

“Well we were called because there was a complaint against you disrupting a peaceful protest.” Liam pushes on. “We are going to have to stay and supervise until you decide to disband. If there is any further altercations, we will have to detain you.” Liam then signals for the rest of the officers to create a line between them, clearly facing the apparent offender's, which this time are the Wolves. Harry is the last to come into formation, taking up the space directly in front of the talker. He stares straight ahead, not wanting to make eye contact as the other man clearly seethes in front of him. He wants to seethe as well, but he can’t. Not on the clock anyway.

 

Louis stares into the eye of the man in front of him. The officer is avoiding eye contact with him, and Louis is so close that he could flick that hat off his head. He wants to. He wants to push the man out of his personal space and tell him to fuck off. He doesn’t though, he can’t. One wrong move would jeopardize everything that Louis and the club has worked for. The other side of the protest line doesn’t have any such worries though.

“Not so tough now are ya pansy?” He hears Gordon yell out with a laugh. Louis clenches his jaw and wills the officer to say something, to look at him, react to something.

“So this is what you are protecting them for? The right to call me names?” Louis grits through clenched teeth. “As you can see I am a dangerous man, standing here peacefully, trying to give some sort of comfort to a family who is mourning their son, and brother, and friend.”

Louis can see the man’s jaw twitch, but he doesn’t move his eyes, doesn’t take his hands from behind his back.

“Do you know why these people are protesting this man’s funeral?” Louis continues, letting his frustration out on this motionless creature in front of him. “Because of who he loved. But I am the bad guy because I am trying to protect those people in there from these people out here. I am the bad guy because I am standing in leather pants and drive a motorbike, and those pricks are ‘Christians’.” He raises his fingers to quote.

The sudden motion makes the man flinch, just slightly. No one would notice if they weren’t staring so intently as Louis is now. Louis notices though, and he takes some sort of satisfaction that he got even a slight rise from the man.

“We aren’t the bad guys here. And yet who would you be arresting if something went down right now? You know the answer to that don’t you? Just moving my hand made you flinch. Those idiots are jumping around behind you, waving signs and God knows what else, and you aren’t so concerned with them. But one move of my hand, and you were ready to pull a weapon on me. Don’t deny it.”

The man shoots his eyes to Louis’. They are bottle green and flashing with indignation. Louis wants him to speak, to say something, but he doesn’t. He just stares for a moment. Then suddenly the church organ starts and signals the end of the service. Louis and his companions move to the side of the doors without incident and let the mourners pass through. They let the police deal with the active protesters, not that they do a whole lot of anything. There is still shouting and jeering, but Louis can’t do one thing to stop it. As the last car leaves the lot, Louis gets on his bike and pulls out. He doesn’t speak to Zayn again about dinner; he doesn’t look at the officer. He just lets the ting of tiny rocks bounce off the car of the closest police car soothe a small part of his soul as he seeks out the comfort of his own home.

  
****

 

“Styles!” The lieutenant barks from his office. Harry frowns and steps away from his paperwork.

He’s not sure why he’s being called in. It’s been a fairly slow day all in all, but he’s not here to ask questions and makes a quick walk through the clutter of desks.

“Yes sir?” Harry asks the man behind the desk.

He’s got a friendly face, and Harry wonders how he has made it this far in his career without losing that smile, that open expression. Harry can already feel his good nature slipping into the more commonly seen stone facade of someone who doesn’t trust anyone or anything. He doesn’t like it.

“You were at the latest protest between the church and the Wolves were you not?” He asks, although he of course knows the answer.

“Yes sir, I was.” Harry replies immediately.

“Did it end peacefully?”

“Depends on your definition of peacefully, sir.” Harry pushes, knowing that isn’t what he’s being asked.

“Did anyone get hurt? Did anyone pull a weapon?” The lieutenant demands.

“No sir, everyone left safe and unharmed, and no arrests were made.” Harry says.

It feels wrong. He wants to say that people did leave hurt. The mourners left crying and weren’t helped by being called names and being told they were going to hell. And that man, the one with the striking eyes,the one who talked to him so quietly, yet so powerfully, he was hurt, too. Harry hasn’t been able to get the words from his mind since.

“That’s wonderful.” The lieutenant says, smiling widely. “The commander has asked me to create a small task force to…” He waves his hand in the air, trying to make the situation seem less poignant than it is. “Supervise anytime we get wind of these encounters. It shouldn’t be difficult seeing how the church is so vocal about where they are holding their protests, and it seems wherever the church goes so do the Wolves. “

“Yes sir.” Harry says as a response, feeling the knots in his stomach, and the protest on the tip of his tongue.

“I want you and Payne on this assignment. At least until we decide if this will be a permanent situation or if it’s not needed at all.”

Harry feels sick, “Sir, may I request another assignment?” He asks, without thinking. The lieutenant looks surprised, probably the first thing Harry has ever said to him that wasn’t blind obedience.

“Do you have a reason?” He’s asked.

“Conflict of interest.” Harry replies quietly. The lieutenant stares at him, really gives him a hard look, and Harry can feel himself wanting to squirm under the scrutiny. He remains silent, and still waiting for his response.

“We come across a lot of conflicts of interest in this line of work, Harry. Sometimes it’s best to face them head on and try to get a handle on both sides of the story. Dismissed.”

And with that, he’s out of the office and on a brand new task force, dealing not only with a group of homophobic, bigoted assholes but the hard eyes of the man who he can’t close his eyes without seeing.

  
****  


Louis leans back in his office chair and rubs his eyes. It’s been a long day but rewarding in the end. He just finished a really intense session with a young kid who just came out to him at the beginning of the session. He stares at the small rainbow flag sitting in the corner of his desk and smiles a bit. Such an inconspicuous little trinket to most but a beacon of light for those who need it. He wipes away an unshed tear that is most definitely a happy one before he clears his desk.

He hears his coworker, and closest friend, open his own office door and bid farewell to his last patient of the day. He waits until he hears the soft footfalls make their way down the hall before he gets up and shuffles into the office across from his own.

“Want to get some dinner, Niall?” He asks in the form of a greeting. The man in question looks up from the papers on his desk and smiles brightly.

“Don’t have to ask me twice. Let me just put these away.” He tidies up the loose papers and files them away in a folder before he stands up and grabs his jacket. There is practically a skip in his step, and Louis wonders how he keeps so chipper in the job they do. While so rewarding, the responsibility feels like a burden some days.

 

They walk through the door of their favourite diner and without even uttering a word both make their way towards the back to their favourite booth.

“So how has things been going in the life of Louis Tomlinson?” Niall asks as he sips his water.

“Oh, you know, same.” Louis shrugs, giving a half smile.

“You’ve got something on your mind. Might as well just tell me.” Niall says before Louis can even finish his sentence. There’s a confidence in his tone that gives away how well Niall actually knows him. Louis doesn’t know if it’s in his tone or stance or maybe the day of the week, but there’s no keeping secrets from Niall.

Louis sighs and rolls his neck, willing the knots to ease. “I was informed last week that in the foreseeable future, anytime we attend a protest against the church, the police will also be in attendance.” He says the words ‘church’ and ‘police’ with equal vehemence. Niall looks at him warily.

“You know what I think of that entire situation, Lou.” He says quietly.

“Yes I do, and you have also promised to kindly keep your mouth shut about it. I am not sitting back and letting those assholes ruin other people’s lives. Besides, they have big mouths and tiny balls. Nothing is actually going to happen.”

“So why are the cops on your case then?” Niall asks.

“Because Zayn got a little puffed up about one of the guys calling him names.” Louis rolls his eyes. Niall knows Zayn, and neither of them are surprised at his outbursts.

“So won’t the cops being there be a good thing?”

“Not at all. All it does is give those assholes on the other side a little more sand to shout louder and be a bigger spectacle. The police aren’t there to crowd control them after all. They are there to keep the big bad bikers in their places.” Louis can feel his blood heat up just at the words. Niall looks at him sympathetically.

“Do you know that for sure?” He asks, because he’s Niall, and he’s a therapist. Louis wishes that he could go back in time and mess with one of his exams or something. His personality, and his career are a deadly combination.

“No.” He pouts dramatically. “I don’t know if for sure. But I still know it, and that’s enough for me.”

“Mhm.” Niall just replies and shoves a fry into his mouth.

“Mhm indeed.” Louis replies grumpily, shooting Niall a look.

“So what are you going to do?” Niall asks, ignoring Louis’ snark.

“Not much I can do is there?” Louis crosses his arms.

“Well, there are a few things, but I am assuming you won’t take my advice and follow any of them.”

“I am not going to stop the counter protests.” Louis says stubbornly.

Niall just shrugs his shoulders. “Just be safe Lou, and try to make the best of it.”

“How do I make the best of it? We are literally being policed.” Louis tries hard not to raise his voice. It’s hard.

“And so are they. Don’t forget that.” Niall replies calmly.

“Huh, yeah right. The police aren’t looking at them the way they look at the likes of me.”

“Maybe they aren’t, and maybe that isn’t necessarily a bad thing.” Niall says with a smirk.

“You do talk some shit, Niall.” Louis half laughs, “So tell me about your weekend. Everything besides the golf.”

It’s close to a month later before Louis gets the call that the church is protesting. This time it’s a sorority who is allowing trans girls into their folds for the first time. Louis takes a deep breath and stares hard in the mirror of his bike before he puts his helmet over his head. You are above their words, he says to himself. This is bigger than you, he says as well. He tries not to think about the man with the bottle green eyes staring holes through him.

  
****

 

Harry’s feet could be lead they are dragging so heavily under him. Liam parks the car a good distance from the entrance of the large building where the protest and subsequent counter protest are to be held. As he surveys the area he sees a few flutters of curtains from the front windows. He makes eye contact with a girl behind one of those curtains, and she looks scared. Scared of him or scared of the situation he doesn’t know, but he can’t help but feel responsible either way.

“Look alive, H.” is all Liam says when the first car pulls up. It’s church members, of course. The other group will be rolling up on bikes. The members get out, seven in one van and another couple of cars with four and five consecutively. They smile politely at Harry as they get their signs from the trunk, and Harry fights the urge to shudder. They wouldn’t be so nice to him if they knew the truth. Maybe they would even protest at his own place of work. Harry wouldn’t exactly be opposed to it; at least it would keep them from harassing these poor kids for a while.

It’s not long after that Harry can hear the rumble of motors coming up the long lane that precedes the sorority’s driveway. Harry’s chest constricts a little. He doesn’t even want to look, but it’s his job. He’s here to keep an eye on everyone. He turns to see a single file line of bikes of different sizes and colour coming to  a halt next to the few cars the protestors had shown up in. There are at least a dozen men and women shaking out their hair and propping up their bikes, chatting quietly to one another. There is nothing about them that is truly menacing, but the air changes as soon as they are on the scene. The church protestors are more on alert, sending leers and snide comments their way. His team are more on alert as well. Harry watches their body language change from casual to almost menacing. Harry can see more than one hand hover over their side pieces. It’s uncomfortable. Everything about this makes Harry’s skin feel too tight and mouth feel dry. He takes a few breaths, trying to center himself. He takes a brief second to close his eyes.

“Of course you’re here.” He hears an exasperated rasp a few feet in front of him.

He opens his eyes and sees what reminds him of disappointment in the eyes of the blue eyed man from the last time. The man who has been haunting him for weeks. He simply nods and gets into formation with his partner.

 

His team’s first plan of action is to try to stay out of the way. It’s mostly from Harry’s pushing. But they still feel like an ominous presence as they stand, arms crossed in a show of solidarity, watching the protest proceed. He watches the church form an unruly crowd, signs raised, chants being formed. Some are saying loud prayers. On the opposite side, forming a human barrier in front of the house are the wolves, quiet and solemn. Their faces are menacing, their scowls directed into the crowd in front of them, but their stances are passive and calm. They don’t shout back and really just stand there. Solidarity is what Harry is reminded of. He wonders why he’s even here.

That is until one of the members of the church yells a little louder.

“Hey Louis, how many kids have you brainwashed this week?” The man yells.

Harry looks to the line of Wolves, not really seeing any reaction at all.

“Bet it’s just the cute ones that suddenly end up gay. Then they find themselves in your bed.” The man shouts again.

This time a few of the Wolves stare at one man. The man with the blue eyes. He doesn’t move, just stares straight ahead, a steely determination on his face. Harry can see the struggle in his eyes.

“Why don’t you shut the fuck up, Gordon.” One of the Wolves yells, a slight, dark haired man who looks more like he should be walking a runway than standing on the step of a sorority.

 

“Don’t you fucking talk to me you Allah loving heathen. How many bombs do you have tucked into that bike?” He man spits, and Harry almost interferes until he sees Liam send him a warning look beside him.

They are just words, and as long as it stays that way, they are to stay out of it.

“Hey cop! Why don’t you deport this Paki, save us all!”

Suddenly, he sees the man in question dart down the short distance between the two groups and make his way to the man who offended him. Harry is suddenly moving to keep the two separated while the dark haired man seethes, and the man he called Gordon laughs hysterically. “Just try it Paki, you’ll be on the next ship out of here.”

Suddenly, Harry’s squad is all around him, and he feels a sudden sense of comfort. They are once again creating a barrier between the two groups, and he can feel the tension and anger seeping from either side, and he is trapped between them. It’s almost suffocating. Liam discreetly squeezes his shoulder as he takes up his place at his right, and Harry breathes through his nose, not really trusting what would come out of his mouth if he opened it.

“This what you come to see?” A voice that is almost familiar to him now whispers into his ear. It’s a simple question, but the tone is disdainful. “Come to see the big bad biker guys lose their temper over some shitty words?”

Harry takes a breath, but doesn’t look behind him. “I was really hoping that we wouldn’t be needed today.” He says quietly, hopefully only loud enough for the man that he now knows as Louis to hear him.

“You’re not needed. The only reason it’s come to this is because you’re here. They think you are their protection from us. They think they can do anything, say anything.”

“I don’t…” Harry begins, not really knowing what he wants to say, but Louis interrupts him anyway.

“You’re not helping. You’re not helping me, you’re not helping those girls in there. Take a good look officer. This is what you’re helping.” Harry takes in the scene in front of him, angry faces, waving angry signs, saying angry words. These aren’t the people who he wants to help. This isn’t what he joined the force for.

“They are winning.” Louis says, driving home a final sentence like a punch to Harry’s gut.

 

****

 

Harry wraps softly on his captain’s door. “Can I have a word sir?”

He’s greeted with a smile, and an offer to sit down.

“Just the man I was hoping to talk to today Harry.” James says cheerfully.

Harry wants to smile back, but everything inside him is wound too tight. Harry sits down at the edge of the seat in front of James’ desk and folds his hands in front of him.

“So you had your first assignment at the protests.” James continues. “I heard there was a disturbance.”

“Yes sir.” Harry nods. “One of the Wolves tried to be physical with one of the church members.

“Yes I see. This is exactly why we called you and your team in. Emotions run high at these things.”

“Yes sir.”

“So you stopped the altercation, and the rest of the day was peaceful.”

Harry pauses, feeling his chest tighten even further. “Depends on your definition of peaceful sir.”

“Did something else happen?” James asks, curious.

“Well, it was quite volatile verbally.” Harry says, feeling almost at a loss to make sense of the scene he had witnessed. The unabashed hatred.

“That is to be expected Harry. Surely in even your few years in the service you have seen worse.” James looks at him, not confused but curious.

Harry nods, expression masked.

“I just don’t think this is the right place for me to be.” He says finally. James’ expression changes from curious to disappointed.

“I quite disagree, Styles. I feel this is exactly where you need to be.” The way he says it means that there is no further room for discussion, and Harry is almost desperate in asking.

“Why sir?”

“Perspective.” James says shortly and dismisses him without another word.

 

****

 

It’s nearly a month before Harry and Liam are called out to attend a protest again. This time it is a wedding. A same sex wedding to be more specific. There is nothing about the situation that feels right.

“Doesn't it feel wrong to be packing riot gear to attend a wedding?” Harry asks, his jaw has barely unclenched since Captain Corden had called them in.

“We aren’t exactly guests here, Styles.” Liam smirks, as though he is telling a joke.

Harry shoots him a dirty look.

“Exactly. A bunch of uninvited, loud, rude guests. They don’t deserve this.” He sighs, tired suddenly.

“Well, we can’t do much about that can we. We’ve got two groups that are using other people’s lives to fight with each other. Too bad they wouldn’t just find a big field somewhere and duke it out.” Liam snorts, and rolls his eyes while Harry sees red.

“Is this really what you think is going on here, Liam?” He barely contains the rage in his voice. “You honestly think this is a trivial feud that we are being paid to babysit?”

Liam stays silent for a moment, but it’s clear that Harry’s reaction shakes him. He swallows and licks his lips before he answers. “What do you think it is? These protests and counter protests? Why do you think we are here?”

The questions are careful, and Liam’s voice closed off. The air in the car is so think that Harry feels like he could choke on it.

Harry stares straight ahead, not letting Liam’s expression keep him from saying what he has been trying to find the words to say for weeks. “The church are just hateful people Liam. Whatever reasons they have are wrong. I know we are supposed to stay neutral, but they are wrong. The Wolves are trying to be allies to the people that the church is attacking. The theme seems to be the gay community. I don’t know if they are helping or not, but they are at least showing up; they are standing up for what they believe in. And us? God only knows how I ended up in the middle of this mess.”

He finally decides to look over at his partner, and he’s surprised to find a look of fond sympathy.

“I’m sorry.” Liam says quietly. It’s the last thing Harry expected to hear. “I don’t know why we are here either, but maybe we can be proud of the work we do, whether we want to be here or not.”

“Yeah, ok.” Harry says quietly, almost to himself. “I can try to do that.”

 

By the time Harry and Liam pull into the church parking lot, it’s already a mess of bodies. There seem to be a significant increase in church protesters, shouting angrily, waving signs with even more foul language than Harry saw in the last roadside bathroom he’s been in. They are also grossly outnumbering the few Wolves standing outside dutifully, cool and distant.

“There’s something wrong here.” Harry says as soon as he steps out of the car.

“What do you think?” Liam asks, not really disagreeing. Harry fights the urge to seek out Louis in the crowd. He’s only a little embarrassed to admit to himself that he doesn’t have to search. He just knows he isn’t there. From the first day Harry had laid eyes on him, Louis has been this beacon. It’s so obviously dark when he isn’t in the middle of this chaos.

“Where are all the Wolves?” Liam asks when Harry doesn’t answer him, and he’s a little relieved to not have to say it himself out loud.

“I don’t know, but I don’t like the mood here.” Harry says, feeling the tension seep into his bones. “But I am going to find out.”

He squares his shoulders and takes a breath,and without another look at the entangled crowd of protesters, he heads for the outnumbered group of Wolves. He can feel Liam jolt forward behind him.

The first face Harry recognises is the dark haired man that had been the subject of abuse and consequently the cause of the unruliness at the last protest. He’s currently staring daggers into Harry but remains silent and still while Harry approaches him.

“Hello,” He starts. The man looks at him like he has two heads. “I am Officer Styles, and this is Officer Payne.”

The man raises a brow to them, but softens his stance a little.

“Zayn.” He replies with a voice much too soft in contrast with the hard look tries to output.

“Is this all of you?” Liam asks, scanning the ranks of the Wolves before bringing his attention back to Zayn.

“Is that a problem?” Zayn asks skeptically, crossing his arms.

“Not a problem!” Harry rushes. “It just seems to be a little more...rowdy than usual, and that mixed with your diminished attendance, I was just wondering if there was something going on. Something we could help with.” Harry says the last sentence almost like a plea, taking Liam’s speech in the car to heart.

“Help?” Zayn says incredulously, and it looks like he’s right on the cusp of a full blown rant, but when he glances at Harry he must see something in his eyes because he sighs instead, a little exasperated. Instead, he looks around as though he doesn’t want anyone else in on the secret. “Most of the Wolves are inside. One of the grooms is a Wolf.”

It makes sense now. He scans the crowd of church protestors and sees some of the signs are a little more personal, a little more sinister.

“So how do you plan to help with this, cop?” Zayn says beside him.

“Be here.” Harry sighs, “That’s all I can do isn’t it?”

 

Harry hasn’t been to many weddings, but the ones in which he has been to have usually been relatively short in the ceremony department. Harry doesn’t expect he will be there long, and he’s glad for it. The tension in the air seems to rise with every passing minute, and people are starting to push around. Harry doesn’t even want to think it out loud, but it’s starting to feel like a mob mentality. The noises have increased as well, a cacophony of chants and prayers and shouts. Harry almost missed the creak of the large door open in front of the church. What he definitely doesn’t miss is the increase in obscenities shouted by the church members, he turns toward the church to see a familiar face.

Louis is standing in the doorway, hands gripped to the door so tightly that his fingers are white, his face full of pure rage. Before he knows it, Harry is going to him. Unfortunately for Harry, this doesn’t seem to calm him down. Harry approaches him slowly, not able to stop himself from taking in Louis’ angry stance in his tightly fitted, but beautifully cut suit. His pristinely styled hair a contrast to the storm in his eyes. He is absolutely beautiful and terrifying all at the same time.

“Louis…”

“Shut the hell up.” Louis screams.

It takes Harry back for a moment, but he realises quickly that Louis isn’t talking to him, but the crowd. They don’t hear him of course, or don’t listen, too busy screaming their own things.

“Louis, please.” Harry tries again, and Louis seems to finally see him.

“Do you see what these people are yet? What they are doing to people? People I love?” He pleads. He looks back towards the church desperately, his normally calm demeanor non existent.

“I do see-” Harry says, but Louis cuts him off.

“Then why the fuck won’t you do anything?” He shouts. And just as he does one voice sounds louder over the others, and Louis is instantly drawn to it.

“Child molester!” The man shouts, and they both whip around to see where it came from.

When he looks in the direction he sees a sign, and a man grinning maniacally under it. It has Louis’ name on it and what looks like an address and phone number… and a picture of Louis holding a little boy on his knee.

As Harry is trying to make sense of what he is looking at, he sees Louis rushing forward out of the corner of his eye. He shouldn’t be frozen on the spot, he should be quick on his feet, but all he does is stare. Louis practically parts the crowd as everyone watches him walk down to the man with the sign. The guy isn’t grinning so wide now, glancing around furiously as he looks for backup, none come from his side, and none come from the wolves either. The police have instructions to stay out of it unless it gets physical. It’s just the two of them.

Louis snatches the sign from his hand, and with one swift move cracks the large post attached to the picture over his knee. Harry winces audibly. He can’t miss the look Louis gives him after he does it, standing with just a large chunk of wood in his hands. Harry holds his breath, but not for long. Louis quickly turns left, and instantly puts the post of wood through the headlight of one of the church vans. There is almost silence as the light shatters dramatically, and Harry can almost feel his stomach drop as Louis pulls back and takes out the other one. When he starts for the windshield,everyone is screaming and shouting, and nobody's doing anything to stop him. Harry sighs and looks at his partner.

“Go inside and find a way to get everyone out through the back, clear out the protestors, and I will deal with that.” Harry says. Liam nods and is gone in an instant. Harry jogs down the steps of the church, reaching for his cuffs.

When he reaches Louis and the vehicle, Louis seems to be deciding what to attack next. His chest is heaving from the effort, maybe a bit of emotion as well. Harry decides to try talking first.

“Louis.” He says, tone warning.

“What?” Louis whips around, weapon still in hand. Harry steps back, and Louis must realise why because he instantly drops it on the ground.

“I’m going to have to take you in.” Harry says, trying to convey calm.

“Fuck!” Louis says, kicking out at the vehicle again. Harry comes up and puts his hand on Louis’ arm. It tenses, but Louis doesn’t pull away. Harry pulls his other hand back and leads Louis to the front of the car.

Louis leans face forward on the van as Harry pats him down and reads him his rights. His entire body is one big ball of tension.

“Having fun?” Louis asks, tone mocking. “Bet you like that a little more than you want to admit to yourself.”

Harry can tell that he’s trying to make Harry uncomfortable, but he also sounds tired and defeated. He swallows hard and tries to keep his touching to the bare necessities because Louis is making him uncomfortable, but not in the way he was hoping, Harry is sure. All Harry wants to do is take a step back and look at Louis, fire in his eyes, leaned over this car that he just destroyed with his bare hands. And he smells good. Really good. He just concentrates on his job as he finishes his pat down and leads Louis to his car, not bothering to wait for Liam. He’ll call him on the way.

 

The drive is tense. Every time he looks in the rearview mirror, Louis is staring at him, eyes hard and red. He considers saying something, but he can’t think of anything that would make this situation any less awkward or painful for both of them. So he doesn’t, and neither does Louis. But he can’t stop looking either, and neither can Louis apparently.

  


Louis is sitting in an uncomfortable chair in an uncomfortable room willing himself not to scream or cry or kick the table in front of him. He feels as though he has been there for hours, but he knows it’s not been long at all. He hears lots of noise, but suddenly, right in front of his door someone shouts.

“Styles!”

“Yes sir, “ He hears immediately and recognises the low baritone of the officer. Styles, he tucks that information away.

There are low, muffled words, but Louis makes out a theme. Wedding, riot, accusation, destruction of property. The must be coming closer to him because he hears more clearly. “Is the man pressing charges?”

“Yes, of course he is.” Officer Styles replies. There’s a tone in his voice that Louis can’t quite place, but it sounded frustrated.

“Did you book him?” The other voice asks.

“Yes sir.”

“Then he’s free to go.” Louis hears before the door opens.

Two faces look at him, both unreadable.

“Good work Styles. I’m glad I have you on the job.” The stranger says before he disappears and leaves them alone again.

Styles walks into the room, hat in hand, face masked and unreadable. Louis glares at him as though it were a competition, and the first to look away is the one in the wrong.

“Is there someone you can call to pick you up?” The officer asks him. Louis rolls his eyes. He can’t help it.

“I would happily get out of your hair if you give me my phone back.” Louis says, using every technique in his arsenal to stay calm.

“Yes of course.”

His belongings are placed in front of him, and he unlocks his phone to see dozens of calls and texts. One is from Nick, one of the grooms whose wedding he was just at less than two hours ago. Anger flares in him again, and he can’t hold his tongue any longer.

“Does this make you happy?” He asks the other man. “ Do you get some kind of kick out of being able to finally impress the boss? Bring in one of the bad guys? Prove to them that we are what they think we are?”

He looks up and is met with something e didn’t expect. The officer is looking at him with a pained expression. He can’t bare to look at it. He doesn’t deserve to hurt right now. This is Louis’ time to suffer. He shoots a quick text to Niall, waiting to be alone again in his own misery for a few moments.

“No, it doesn’t.” Is the reply he wasn’t expecting to get. “There are so many places I would rather be right now.”

And that hurt a little more than it should. Louis glances up from his phone once more to see the man glaring at him.

“Why don’t you go then?” Louis says feebly, his anger turning to confusion. The officer stares at him for a while longer, before he’s suddenly turning on his heel and walking out the door, almost running over Niall who is walking in. Niall shifts his eyes between the two of them a few times as Louis remains rooted to his chair, and the officer bolts for the door. He then raises a tell tale eyebrow at Louis, and Louis just glares harder.

“Don’t even start.” He snaps, only to be met with an all familiar barking laugh.

 

He would really rather just go home after the entire incident. He feels grimy and tired and all around sour, but he can’t do that to Nick and Max. This is their day, and he has already messed it up enough. He walks into the small venue decorated in flowers and sparkly ice sculptures. Louis allows the corner of his mouth to rise a little. It all has Max written all over it. And thank God for that. Nick’s idea of wedding decor would probably have a giant picture of his dog on the wall and abstract sculptures made of used forks or some shit.

He is spotted all at once by the crowd, and a large cheer rings around him. Zayn walks over immediately, slapping his back fondly.

“Welcome back, jail bird.” He smiles, and Louis can tell by the sparkle in his eye that he is well past buzzed. “Did you get any action in the clink? Drop the soap?” Zayn snorts at his own joke as Louis shoves him off.

“No I did not you pervert.” Louis replies loudly, laughing despite himself.

“What about that hot cop that picked you up? He looked like he wanted you to pat him down.” Zayn wiggles his eyebrows, and Louis’ mood immediately sours.

“I don’t want to think about that douchebag.” He replies, but he is just too tired to put any fire behind it.

“He’s not all that bad, Lou.” Zayn says, almost serious. “We talked. I think he gets it.”

“Gets it.” Louis shakes his head.

What could that robot in a uniform possible understand about Louis, or Zayn, or Nick and Max? How could he feel the constant burden of repression on him? Zayn must really be drunk.

“I’m just saying, Lou. He wanted to help. You were too busy being busted, but he got us all out of there safe, and Nick didn’t have to lay his eyes on even one protester.” Zayn is too close for comfort, but Louis is used to his clinginess when he drinks.

Now though it's not his closeness that is making Louis uncomfortable, it’s his words. He doesn’t want to humanize the cop. He wants to do his job, and leave that guy to do his, and hope they never cross paths when they don’t have to.

Louis moves away from Zayn’s arms and shakes off the conversation in search of the grooms. Maybe if he does his rounds and is quiet, he can get out early without hurting any feelings.

“Stay out of trouble Z, I’ve gotta go kiss a few cheeks.” He gives Zayn his own kiss and moves on.

  
****

 

Harry and Liam are sitting in their squad car eating lunch. It’s been a quiet day all in all, and Harry can’t help but hope it stays that way. The guilt for hoping for peace makes him speak up.

“Do you ever worry that you made a mistake becoming a cop?” He asks his partner without actually looking at him, or anything besides the sandwich in his lap.

He can feel Liam’s eyes on him though, like they are trying to burn a hole into the place where Harry keeps all of his secrets.

“No, not once.” Liam replies. It’s not judgemental or even questioning. Just a statement. “You?”

“I didn’t.” Harry says, “Not until recently.” He sighs, abandoning his lunch already. “I just don’t think I have it in me.”

Liam turns his body in Harry’s direction and fixes him with an earnest gaze.

“You’re a good cop Harry.” He says as though he needs to convince Harry. “And what makes you a good cop is that you care about people. You care about things. You want to help.”

“Yes, and this is just the problem.” Harry’s voice rises just a touch, but it’s enough. “When I decided I wanted to be a cop I pictured catching bad guys and saving kids and making a difference in my community. Right now though…” He pauses, not really wanting to say the thoughts in his head. “Right now I just feel like a faceless body keeping stupid people from hurting other stupid people.”

Liam doesn’t really say anything for a minute, just letting the silence keep a wall up. But finally he speaks, and the tone has gone a bit cold.

“I am proud of the work that we do. And I am sorry if you can’t see past the distasteful premise of our assignment, but I helped people last weekend. Truly, and honestly, like a police officer should do, and I was proud of myself.” Harry opens his mouth to apologize, but Liam raises a finger to stop him, and thankfully Harry has the good sense to pay attention. “So what I am saying, is maybe try pulling your head out of your own ass, and see things for what they are, not how you imagine they should be. And if you want to feel better about yourself, go volunteer at a youth center or something and get off my case.”

With that, their radio in the car goes off about a possible b&e, and off they go without another word about it.

 

Harry stands passively at the entrance of the community center wondering what he is doing here. _Trying to help, trying to make a difference_ his brain supplies. As much as Harry would like to deny it, Liam was right. Being a cop does a lot to help, but it’s not the only thing he can do, and if he doesn’t think that his job is giving him what he needs, he should look elsewhere. There are kids inside these walls who need someone to notice them, pay attention to them, listen to them, and he can do that. Then why is he so nervous? He shuts down the voices screaming the answers immediately lest they talk him out of it altogether.

Inside is mostly what he had expected, a bit like he hadn’t. There are a lot of kids, and they all seem to be talking or laughing or shouting. It’s a bit of chaos, but surprisingly organized chaos. The shouting is coming from a basketball court where there seems to be a heated game in the process. The laughing is coming from another corner of the building where a group of girls and a few boys, too, are gathered around a large television. And there are adults everywhere, talking, laughing, and shouting right along with them. It doesn’t take long for one of the adults to spot him and come jogging from the basketball court.

“Can I help you?” He asks with a bright smile that makes Harry feel like he is genuinely glad to see him.

“Um, yes.” Harry begins, not really knowing what to say. He didn’t prepare anything for after he made it through the door. “I was hoping...that is, I was wondering….”

“It’s ok man, take your time.” The man smiles with a hint of humour in his tone. Harry feels wary, but can’t help but smile back.

“I am looking for a place to volunteer my time.” Harry finally manages, and apparently that was the right thing to say because the man smiles brightly and ushers him further into the building.

 

He’s immediately ushered into a small office near the entrance with the man rambling away in front of him.

“Of course we are going to need to obtain a criminal record check from you and a few things signed. People trust us with their kids. For some reason.” He laughs and gives a wink, hopefully indicating that he’s joking. Harry chuckles dutifully. “But the first step is to talk to either me or one of the other directors of the program.

“So this is your job?” Harry asks, and it for some reason makes the man laugh even harder.

“Yeah, part of it anyway. Along with a few other people who you will hopefully get to know soon. Actually…” The man takes a walkie talkie from his belt and pushes the large black button. “Lou, where are you right now?”

There’s a bit of static before a voice comes over.

“In the backcourt with Travis.” The voice says.

“I’m sending someone out to you.” The man with Harry replies, and it gets him a “yup” in response.

He puts the walkie talkie back on his belt and shrugs. “Quicker than text.” He explains. “I’m going to send you to the guy who really runs the show. I am more a paperwork guy, and none of that is going to get done today. But if you stick with Lou, you can stay as long as you want.”

“Ok, that sounds great.” Harry says, following the man once again. “I’m Harry.” He says, almost as an afterthought.

“Niall.” The man replies.

 

****

 

Louis bounces the basketball to the boy on the other side of the small court. Travis is only fifteen, but has the weight of the world on his shoulders after witnessing his parents both die in a car accident. He’s got among other things a great sense of survivor's guilt, and a feeling of responsibility for his younger sister and Louis is trying to help him work through his fears and anxiety and sadly depression.

Louis finds a lot of the time that they teenagers respond a lot better to some physical activity while they talk as opposed to sitting in a stuffy office. (Their words, Louis thinks his office is quite lovely)

“Are we done?” Travis asks in his sullen voice. He’s trying to create a tone of indifference, but Louis knows that Travis is upset that his one on one time is being cut short. He gives him a lopsided smile and shakes his head.

“Afraid not. You’re stuck with me for a little while longer. Niall must have some admin stuff for me to deal with.”

“Can’t he do it himself?” Travis asks, tossing the ball towards the net, a little too har, and reckless to make believe he’s actually putting an effort into their game.

“Apparently not.” Louis smirks, earning him a snort from Travis.

Just then the door to the back swings open, and Niall is barrelling through talking animatedly to someone. He turns around to greet the new face, reaching his hand out in his most professional manner. Well, as professional as one can get while wearing sweats tucked into his socks. Then everything comes to a screeching halt when he comes face to face with a pair of green eyes and an expression that is sure to match his own.

“Lou, this is Harry. He came to…” Niall’s voice tapers off as Louis and Harry have a stare down across the court. “Louis? Are you alright?”

“What are you doing here?” Louis asks instead, ignoring Niall for the time being. Harry just stands motionless in front of him, looking as though he has been slapped in the face.

“Louis!” Niall snaps, and Louis looks at him. Niall glares back and looks at Harry as well before something clicks. “Holy shit. You’re the cop!” He finally says.

“Excuse me?” Harry replies, eyebrows lifted.

“The one that took Louis in.” Niall supplies, causing Louis to groan, and Travis to squawk. He’s going to have to be careful explaining that one. He wonders briefly how wrong it would be to bribe him to keep his mouth shut to his grandmother. “I came to pick him up that day.” Niall continues on as though this isn’t the most awkward conversation in the history of Louis’ life. “I didn’t recognise you without the uniform.”

“Niall, can you take Travis in and get him a drink of Gatorade? He’s really dry.” Louis says in his most calm councillor voice.

“No I’m not.” Travis supplies, quite unhelpfully before Niall ushers him through the door with promises of chips and chocolate instead.

He continues to stare at Harry, and Harry continues to stare right back at him. The tension is twisting his gut like a knife. Finally, Harry opens his mouth, causing Louis a great deal of relief that he doesn’t have to be the first.

“So you run this place?” Harry says.

“Are you surprised?” Louis replies venomously, waiting for the prejudice and ignorant questions.

“Well, as far as coincidence goes, this is a pretty big one.” Harry replies, and the words sound casual, but the tone is definitely not. Harry is uncomfortable, and it’s written all over his body.

“What are you doing here then?” Louis asks again.

“I wanted to help. I thought I could actually make a difference to someone’s life here.” Harry says, and it sounds bitter, but not directed to Louis. He seems distant and jumpy like a cornered cat with only one track mind, and that’s to escape.

“I...I’m sorry. I don’t think this is the place for you.” Louis says, and it’s the closest thing he can manage to say that doesn’t involve physically pushing Harry out of his building, his safe space. Harry stares at him for a moment longer. No words, no expression, just stares. Then he’s gone, walking out the door with a gate that could be seen a mile away as that of a cop, and Louis gasps for air as though he has been hit directly in the chest.

 

****

 

“Fucking hell.” Liam says as he pulls the squad car up in front of the elementary school. “A school.” He says mostly under his breath.

“Yeah.” Harry replies just as quietly. It’s honestly a mess. The protesters are there, as Harry has gotten used to, as are the wolves, more than Harry has ever seen. But there are others. Civilians, emotional and careless screaming at both sides.

Harry and Liam had been briefed about what they were about to walk into.The year before there had been a kid that committed suicide because he was being bullied for being gay. Harry was on that call, he remembers it vividly and painfully. His parents had no idea about either things. Apparently, some of his peers had decided to create an event to raise awareness about suicide prevention and also officially introduce a gay/straight alliance club into their school. It has created quite a heated controversy within the community.

There are people angry with the church for protesting the school and the students, and parents trying to protect and defend their children from the hate spewed from the church member's lips.  There are people angry with the Wolves and the school for “promoting homosexuality”trying to protect their children from people who they believe are corrupting them.  Wherever Harry looks, he sees just a general charge in the air that stinks of hate and panic.

“We’re going to need more backup.” He adds on. Liam nods, already picking up the mic of their radio.

 

Harry has been in volatile situations; it’s literally part of the job, but nothing compares to the vitriol a parent can spew when faced with protecting their children. In this situation, everyone is put in a compromising position, and Harry and his team immediately surpass protocol and start raising barriers to keep the two sides of the group at bay. He can feel the adrenaline run through his blood as the two groups are forcibly separated when his partner walks up behind him.

“Which side should we stand on?” He asks, almost casually.

Harry freezes though, feeling that the weight of the situation has been dragging him into the ground since the first moment they come into contact with both of these groups. He stares from a short distance at the large mass of screaming bodies, squirming almost in unison with each other, and stares at Liam, who is staring back at him with a concern on his face normally saved for those who have just lost a loved one.

“Maybe you should sit this one out, H.” He says quietly, and Harry shakes his head violently and searches back in the crowd.

What he is looking for stares back at him. Louis is near the entrance of the school, trying to give access to the door to students who are trying to attend the event. It’s not easy for him. He’s a small guy, and Harry can see from where he is standing that he’s being pushed around.

“I’m going to help Louis.” He says resolutely. “And the kids.” He adds on, louder to make sure Liam can hear.

He barely gets the words out and there is a sudden explosion of glass right behind Louis’ head. Protesters are throwing rocks, and they are hitting the building and the crowd. The screaming gets louder, and Harry looks desperately towards the door just in time to see Louis being thrown off balance and swallowed into the crowd. But not before he can hear his distinctive pitch screaming out in pain.

“Styles! We need you!” Liam screams behind him and pulls him in the opposite direction towards the offenders. He can vaguely hear Liam call into his radio for more backup and an ambulance before he shuts down the part of his brain that asks questions and starts pulling people to the ground and into cars.

  
  


It’s hours later, but it feels more like days when Harry is sitting in James’ office giving an account of the events. He’s tired and can’t even pretend to hold an air of professionalism. He’s got his head in his hands, and his shirt is unbuttoned, revealing a plain white t shirt that is stained with dirt and blood.

“So people got hurt this time.” James says carefully. Harry looks at him, face hard, eyes cold.

“Yes.” He says.

“Listen Styles, you can’t blame-”

“Oh, I do not blame myself for this.” Harry replies, cutting him off effectively. “There is no part of that situation that I had anything to do with.”

“Then what,” James replies, “What is causing this… pain.” He finishes off, as though the word itself is toxic.

It almost could be. They can’t let things bother them. If they do, they can’t do their job. James doesn't want that.

“Because it happened.” Harry leans back, staring at James again. “It happened, and people got hurt, and there is just no reason for it. Something should have been done, something that hasn’t been us standing out with our hands in our pockets for months, waiting until I could walk in here and say that it didn’t work this time.

“Harry.” James says to him, and it’s oddly personal coming from his boss’s mouth. “You need to know that these things are happening. They happen all over the world. I was hoping.” James pauses, maybe to collect his thoughts, maybe for effect, Harry doesn’t even know at this point. “I was hoping that this assignment would be a learning experience.”

Harry stares at him, at a loss for words and for thought for a moment. “What exactly was I supposed to learn from this?” He points to the blood on his clothes. Some of it that he had inflicted himself. The thought makes him sick.

“Harry, we are police, vowing to serve and protect. And sometimes it helps when we can see, maybe even walk in the shoes of those that we are there for. And against even. After the first call, it seemed to me that you might have needed a bit of that.” James looks uncomfortable, as if he’s questioning all of his life choices.

“So you want me to understand why a group of people that call themselves a church wants to go out into the world and spew hate? Because I think you missed the mark there.” Harry retorts, jaw clenched painfully.

“No, Harry, no. That’s not what I meant.” James shakes his head violently. “I just felt that you seemed to maybe have judged the Wolves a little too harshly, and I wanted you to see the good that they were trying to do.” James looks at him pleadingly, palms opened in front of him.

“You wanted me to be more understanding of a group of men and women who literally put themselves in harm's way to protect people?” Harry asks, dumbfounded.

“Not just anyone.”

“LGBT.” Harry says. “But I am pretty sure they would stand up for anyone that needed it.”

“Yes, and now you know that.” James says, somewhat sounding satisfied. Harry on the other hand is fuming.

“I am taking a leave of absence. Maybe indefinitely.” He says, and stands up to leave.

“Styles!” James barks, “What do you think you’re doing?”

Harry pauses and takes his badge off, presenting it to James. “I am gay. I am gay and I work in a job that causes people to assume I’m straight because I wear this. Where people assume that they need to teach me about how I should be treating the LGBT community without it ever occurring to you or anyone else that maybe I know all too well.” He puts the badge on the desk when James refuses to take it himself. “I judged you when I thought you sympathised with the church, but this is worse.”

Then he walks out, not even thinking to look back.

  
****

 

Louis places himself gingerly in the front seat of Niall’s car. He’s happy that the hospital didn’t keep him long as he just has a cracked rib and a sprained wrist, but it was Niall who not so gently forced him to go home and get some rest, making him leave Zayn’s side before he got a chance to wake up.

“Careful now.” Niall says as Louis reaches for the seatbelt and immediately winces.

“I’m fine, Niall.” Louis snaps back, pain and fear and the hours draining him.

“You definitely look fine.” Niall replies sarcastically as he eases out of the parking lot.

“I’m a lot better off than Zayn and Jesy.” He grimaces at the thought. Jesy was the victim of  a stray rock that hit her directly in the face. She has a broken nose that needed set and a concussion. Zayn however fought back.

“He’s stable, Lou. His mom is there with him.” Niall says. Louis knows that voice.

“I promised you eight hours of sleep, and then we are going back.” Louis stares hard at him. Niall doesn’t immediately agree.

“I will take myself if I have to.” He adds.

“Louis, about your bike.” Niall clears his throat and keeps a steady eye on the road.

“What about it.” Louis replies immediately.

“I took Luke to go pick it up when you called me.” Niall looks at him sympathetically, and Louis knows it’s not good news. “They burnt it.”

“Fuck.” Louis replies. It sounds more pathetic than angry, but it’s the most he can muster before he leans his head back and closes his eyes.

 

His front door rattles from Niall’s banging fist, but all Louis wants to do is snuggle further into his pillows. Of course his phone immediately starts to vibrate near his bed, and he knows that he isn’t getting rid of his company anytime soon.

“Hello?” Louis answers the phone, trying to sound awake at least.

“Don’t hello me like you don’t know I am right outside your door.” Niall quips. “Let me in so I know you’re not being held hostage or something.”

“God Niall, I am fine, just feeling a little stiff. I am trying to do as the doctor ordered and get some rest.” He pulls the blanket tighter under his chin and already feels the weight of holding the phone starting to strain his wrist. He needs to relax. Niall knows this.

“That was almost two weeks ago. I am sure that your doctor did not intend for you to spend weeks never leaving your house for a sprained wrist and cracked rib.” Niall pauses. Louis is painfully aware that he is only a few feet away, but he can’t bring himself to get up to answer the door. “You’re hiding Lou, and I am starting to get worried about you.”

Louis sighs and flips his blanket away from him. He cringes at the cool temperature of the floor but walks determinedly to the door and opens it. Niall immediately walks into the house and gives Louis a soft hug. Louis goes on autopilot preparing a pot of tea and setting cups in front of them as they settle in the stools near the counter.

“I think I am going to leave the Wolves.” He says quietly, not looking at Niall, looking at anything but.

“Oh Lou.” Niall replies, sounding pained.

“What? I thought you would be happy. Don’t you hate that I’m in a biker gang?” Louis attempts to glare at Niall, but he’s not actually angry, just sad and tired.

“You’re not in a gang, for starters. And those people are a wonderful network of support. If anything you should be spending more time with them, not freezing them out.”

Louis can feel the pang of guilt in his chest strengthen with every word that Niall says. “I let them down.” He admits, feeling his throat clog just saying it out loud.

“How is that even possible?” Niall asks, sounding like he actually wants an answer.

Louis rubs a hand over his face, trying not to bring all of the vivid memories to the surface. Being knocked to the ground, the chaos around him. Zayn running away from him. The crack he heard and the silence afterwards. There was noise all around him, but all he could focus on was that he didn’t hear Zayn yelling anymore. He clenches his eyes shut and chokes down a sob.

“I got scared. I was so scared.” He cries, finally. Niall pulls him close, and rubs his back as he lets all of the emotion go. “I could have done something. But I just laid there. I was too scared to get up.”

“I’m sorry Louis, but I am so glad that you didn’t.” Niall replies, and Louis can hear the raw emotion in his voice, too. Louis relaxes into the embrace, feeling safe and loved.

“I think I will take a break at least.” Louis says softly, looking into Niall’s eyes and sees him smile.

“Take a break from the protests, but don’t give up on mankind. Especially the kids. I think working at the resource center would do you some good.” Niall pats him on the back. Louis laughs at Niall’s pushiness.

“I think you’re right Ni. Thanks for checking on me.” Louis smiles at him, trying to let his affection overshadow the dark cloud that his been forming in his gut.

“Of course, any time.” Niall replies, face slowly returning to the bright open book that it normally is. “I’m going to leave you to be lazy again, but I will see you Monday morning?”

“Monday morning.” Louis confirms, firmly denying the flame of fear that licks through his belly.

 

Niall of course was right. Getting back into his work was just what he Louis needed. He hates when Niall is right. But he was happy to see the kids, and they were happy to see him, even though one or two did mention that he seemed a little quieter. He also started going to see someone about the anxiety he has started to experience. It's really true that doctors make the worst patients.

But he's getting back into a routine and that's the important part. He officially notified the Wolves of his hiatus, and while they were sad, some a little angry, they all want what is best for any one of them. He still hasn't gone to see Zayn. He just….can't yet.

He's out back, in between sessions and throwing a ball carelessly into the net when the large metal door leading inside opens behind him.  He turns around smiling, ready to greet either Niall or his next patient, Seth, when the smile dies on his lips.

“What are you doing here?” He can feel his fingers and palm instantly start to get slick with sweat. Harry stands passively in the doorway as still as Louis. It feels like a standoff.

Suddenly, a familiar face pops up behind him. Niall physically puts himself between the two men, and Louis is observant enough to know that it's very much intentional.

“Harry came to help. He also came to talk to you one on one.  I'm taking Seth and Brian out for ice cream. You play nice.” He looks at Louis with a level stare. Louis wants so badly to come back with a quip, but he feels actually glued to his spot, and he isn't sure if he's capable of anything right now besides running away from this place as quickly as possible.

When he's apparently satisfied that there will be no bloodshed, Niall leaves, and it's once again just the two of them. Louis doesn't know what he looks like, but he feels as nervous as Harry looks. He does know enough to not speak first though. Whatever Harry is playing at right now, he going to earn it.

“First of all, I want to apologize.” Harry says, voice quavering and husky.  

“For which part?” Louis asks. It's meant to be rude, but comes out more timid and genuine.

Harry licks his lips slowly. He seems to be doing everything slowly.

“Why don't we start at the beginning.” Harry replies. “I'm sorry for ever showing up to that first protest.”

“That doesn't sound like much of an apology.” Louis gives him a pointed look, and Harry rolls his eyes.

“It wasn't. That was me showing regret. I wish I wasn't anywhere near it. But I was, and as a result of that I feel like I...we caused more damage than we did any good.” Harry takes a cautious step forward, face taut and pained. He almost looks like he wants to reach out for Louis, but he refrains. He sighs heavily, and before Louis can react, Harry says softly, but with so much conviction that it throws Louis a bit. “I'm sorry about your friend.”

Louis closes his eyes, suddenly brought back to the moment again, just like he is almost daily. He shakes his head, trying to rid himself of it. Trying to deny it ever happened. Suddenly, he feels hands on his shoulders. His instinct is to withdraw, but his body and his mind are working on the same frequency, and he just stays, allowing Harry to wrap his arms around his frame.

“God Louis. I'm so sorry.” Harry says again. He sounds so hurt, so broken that Louis can't think of him as the hardened cop that he wants him to be. The asshole he created in his mind.

Finally, Louis regains his composure, and they awkwardly separate. It feels wrong. “Why are you here?” Louis asks.

“To tell you how I feel.” Harry says, more wrong.

“And?” Louis prompts.  

Harry withdraws even more with this question. “I quit my job.” He finally says. And that is not what Louis was expecting.  “At least I tried. I'm on sabbatical right now. That assignment…” Harry rubs the back of his neck, nervous energy oozing from every pore. “It made me realise some things. Mostly it made me realise that I need help.”

“You're a little old for my clientele. Plus a bit of a conflict of interest.” Louis replies.

“Yeah I know.  I was hoping maybe I could just hang around for a while. I can help in anyway you want. I just need….someone who might understand me.” Harry peers at Louis, lip caught between his teeth. “One gay man to another.”

Louis can't help the hitch in his breath. The sudden air of vulnerability radiates from Harry's entire body. He doesn't want to say yes. But Harry said the one thing that Louis couldn't turn away. “Yeah. Yeah alright.” He finds himself saying.

 

The sun is beginning to set as Louis peers out the window and watches Harry’s slumped form walk out the door and down the steps of the resource center. He turns around at the sound of someone walking into his office. Niall leans against the door jamb, arms crossed, and studying him in that contented way that Niall does. It’s a bit unnerving.

“What was Officer Styles doing spending the day in my center?” Louis tries to sound authoritative, but in all honesty, he feels like he’s about to come a bit unhinged.

“He needed someone to talk to. He contacted me a week or so ago.” Niall replies immediately, fully expecting the line of questioning.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Louis retorts, feeling a sudden jolt of betrayal, although he doesn’t quite know who he feels betrayed by, Niall or Harry. It’s an unsettling feeling.

“He asked me not to. But it was obvious from the first conversation that it was you that he needed to talk to.” Niall frowns a little. “He’s working through some things.”

“Yeah, I caught that.” Louis replies. He takes a quick glance back out the window. Of course Harry isn’t there anymore. Louis wonders briefly whether he went home and whether he will be back. “I don’t know how I feel about him being here.” He says to Niall.

“I think that this is one of those things where it doesn’t matter how we feel.” Niall says, but his face immediately looks chagrined. “I would like for you to try at least. I have been talking to him Lou, and I just….” Niall pauses as though he is at a loss for words. Niall is never at a loss for words. “I think he needs us. He needs someone, and he chose us. I think we should be there however we can.”

Louis sighs. He already knows this. His brief private talk with Harry earlier in the day, and the rest of the day just observing him made it clear that Harry had a lot of stuff going on in his head.

“Fine, you win. If he comes back, he’s welcome. He didn’t seem that horrible to work with anyway.”

A huge grin spreads over Niall’s face.

“Good choice, Lou.” Niall says, and then slips out of the room as suddenly as he came in. Louis can't help it. He doesn’t feel good. There is a sort of nervous energy that seems to radiate off of Harry, and Louis doesn’t quite know what to do with it. He guesses this is what Niall means about Harry needing them. He rubs his hands vigorously over his face and tries to shake himself out of the jitters running through his limbs before he walks out of the office himself, hoping to say goodnight to this odd day.

 

Harry does come back. The very next day in fact. This time dressed casually and ready to work. The look of trepidation hasn’t left his face yet though, and Louis forces his most professional smile on as he greets him at door of the center.

“It’s good to see you again.” He says brightly. It’s so fake, and he hates himself for saying it. Especially because it’s clear by the look on Harry’s face that he doesn’t believe a word of it.

“Thank you.” Harry says anyway, and they move further in, awkwardly trying not to get too close into one another’s space. “So what can I do?” Harry asks. He looks like he’s all arms and legs, and he has no idea what to do with any of his limbs.

“Oh, yeah.” Louis replies because he really had no solid plan for Harry, but he wasn’t about to tell him that. He clears his throat, as though he knows what he’s doing. “We are having a workshop today, so the center will be closed for the afternoon besides the kids in the group. We can set up the tv room, and I have to make snacks.”

Louis goes through the list out loud, but in his head he’s making mental notes of the things he is hoping that his kids talk about today. There are six of them, all boys, and all signed up for different reasons. Every workshop Louis and Niall host has the potential to be great or a disaster. Especially for kids in this age range. Louis never knows which it will be until they all sit down.

“Um, Louis?” Harry’s deep voice throws him, and he’s embarrassed to realise the he jumped at the interruption of his thoughts.

“I’m sorry, what was that?” Louis tries to compose himself once again, faced with a nervous looking Harry.

“I could do snacks?” Harry says, likely repeated from when Louis was in his head.

“Oh, yes of course. That would be great. Thank you Harry.” Louis replies, and it’s fleeting, but Harry smiles and ducks his head. Louis smiles too, completely involuntarily. His face is completely betraying him. “The kitchen is back that way, and Niall should have brought the food in with him. Thank you Harry.”

Harry nods, “You already said that.”

“I did, didn’t I?” Louis gives him a sideways grin as Harry makes his way to the kitchen. He turns towards the tv room and finds Niall  behind him, grinning ear to ear, giving Louis a thumbs up. Louis shakes his head, and gets to work.

 

Louis doesn’t see Harry until the boys start to show up. Louis has had the room set up for hours and has been doing some paperwork in his office. When he walks into the tv room, there is a table full of trays of fresh fruits and vegetables, cheese and crackers arranged in appetizer trays, and cookies that look suspiciously homemade.

“Whoah Doc, you outdid yourself this week.” Seth practically drools over the table.

“Thanks a lot Seth, it wasn’t me.” Louis cuffs him on the back a little, and it makes Seth laugh.

“Should have known.” Seth snorts as a few others trickle into the room. “Worst gay ever.”

Louis laughs, but a noise of distress causes Louis to turn around, and he is faced with Harry looking between them. He’s holding a pitcher of lemonade, and he’s shifting his eyes between Louis and Seth as though he’s watching a car accident while it’s happening. Louis feels bad for him. He doesn’t make it a habit to pity someone, but Louis can’t help the feeling of sympathy. Instead, he looks at Seth and smiles. “Seth, meet Harry. He made all the food, and I am sure would be grateful for your praise.”

Seth gives Harry as shy smile, “Thanks Harry.” he says, waiting for Harry to respond.

Harry just looks at them both again, wrestling with something in his mind. Finally, he swallows hard and clears his throat.  “I guess this makes me the best gay ever?” His voice is hoarse, and everyone in the room could probably hear the way he tripped over the word, but he said it. And Louis doesn't know for sure, but he thinks it's a huge step. Harry looks at him as though he's looking for approval that what he said was ok. And sometime soon Louis is going to have to tell him that he doesn't have to have anyone's permission to be who he is, but for now he just nods and greets the next boy who walks in the door.

 

****

 

Harry sits quietly in what he has learned is a workshop to learn how to deal with anxiety. It’s one of the many free sign ups that the resource center offers. He didn’t plan to stick around with the younger kids, but he stays at the invitation of Louis. He doesn’t feel that he has any business being there, he knows this. The small group of teenage boys eye him suspiciously and shift their eyes when he tries to smile or acknowledge them. Nope, he definitely has no business there, but he stays anyway. He would love to pretend to be there for any reason. To help, to learn, but no. He isn’t there for any of those things. It’s Louis. Fuck. He doesn’t even want to think it out loud. Since the day he walked into this building a few days prior and made his confession, Louis has been looking at him differently. One would assume it would be pity or sympathy. But it isn’t.

Louis Tomlinson has challenged him from the day they had first met, and there has been this image in his head of who Louis was, how he thought, how he acted. But that day, that conversation, Louis looked at him with something else. He felt for the first time in a long time that he was understood. And Louis has made him feel that way every day since. It’s almost like an addiction now. Where Louis is, Harry wants to be. He wants that look of understanding, that feeling like he’s doing something right.

So here he is, watching Louis flawlessly lead a small class, and all he can do is sit there in awe of it all.

“Can I ask a question?” One of the boys says. Harry thinks his name is Derek or David. Something of that sort.

“Sure thing.” Louis replies. He gives the boy a half smile, but there is something in his eyes. It’s almost like Louis is anticipating the mood of the room. He’s playing chess with six opponents.

“Why is he here?” The kid juts a thumb in Harry’s direction. Harry instantly wants to shrink. He looks, wide eyed, in Louis’ direction, who doesn’t even shift his position, calm as always.

“Do you have a problem with Harry?” Louis asks, tone never changing. The kid gives him another look that kind of suggests that he does. “Don’t hold back, if he makes you uncomfortable then say so. That was part of our workshop rules from the beginning, we need to have honesty here.”

The kid sighs and looks at his hands. “No problem, just curious I guess.” Harry looks at Louis again, who smiles.

“Curiosity is fine David. But tone is important.” Louis leans forward. “Let’s work on that right now. How would you otherwise ask about a stranger in your day to day life if you are actually just curious?”

The kid stares at his hands again before he fights his eyes to meets Harry’s. There is a struggle there, and Harry wants so much to just tell the boy that it’s fine, and then leave as quickly as possible. But apparently there is something going on here bigger than Harry’s discomfort.

“Hi, I’m David.” The boy puts his hand out. Harry returns the shake and can’t miss the flinch at their contact.

“Harry.”

“What brings you here?” David asks. It’s stilted and stiff.

“Louis asked me to join the session. Ummm, your guess is as good as mine.” Harry attempts a smile, and the group giggles.

“Good job David.” Louis breaks the interaction. He’s smiling brightly, and Harry feels like he has been given a gold star. “Now maybe we can talk about some more uncomfortable situations that we might use the tools that David just displayed to overcome a fear or anxiety inducing situation.” And the group was off again, sharing stories and ideas for the next hour. Harry doesn’t pipe up again, but he doesn't feel like he has to. He smiles and watches Louis work his magic, just happy to be included.

 

Harry takes his time cleaning up after everyone else leaves. For a person who essentially did nothing, he feels emotionally drained. He had no idea that talking about feelings would be so exhausting. He feels like a bit of a fool for being so naive. For so many years of his life he would look at people around him and think that everyone either was a mess and a detriment to his line of work, or they had their lives together. For so long Harry felt like he was the only one around him who kept secrets, who held their feelings on the back burner. Seeing these young kids, who seem to have the world at their feet, be crippled by fear, ruled by pain, made Harry’s experiences look like a walk in the park on a rainy day. Unpleasant at most.

“Hey, you’re still here.” Louis’ voice causes him to jump. He looks down and realises that he’s been standing with the same batch of cookies in his hand for the last several minutes. He quickly covers it with saran wrap and rushes to continue his tidying up.

“Sorry, just trying to help.” Harry mumbles.

“No need to be sorry. You helped so much today!” Louis sounds tired, but there’s still an exuberance in his tone. Harry turns to see him smiling brightly.

“I…” Harry starts, but the words get caught. “That was a lot.” He finally spits out, even those simple words sound too personal. Louis’ face changes, a softer smile replaces his blindingly bright one.

“Yeah, it can be a lot.” Louis replies. He seems to be reflecting on something, the day, perhaps not. “But cathartic.” He nods his head decisively. Harry follows him as he practically floats through the room, tidying up and sorting through papers. It’s the most calm that Harry has ever seen Louis.

“Thank you for letting me be part of it.” Harry says, trying to convey his sincerity, even though he feels as though he has just been blindsided.

“You’re welcome.” Louis says. “Although I have the feeling that you aren’t feeling particularly grateful at the moment, you will. I am confident that you will. _Help_ isn’t a dirty word Harry, everyone can benefit from it. And usually it’s when we want it the least that we need it the most.” Then he leaves, and Harry is still holding the cookies. He wonders who this man actually is and finds himself really wanting to know the answer.

  
****

 

It’s getting late in the fall, and Louis can feel the chill in the air as he walks from the car into the spacious entryway of the center. He doesn’t have to look long before he finds Niall in one of the smaller rec rooms, diligently cutting out paper ghosts for their Halloween dance. Louis picks up a pile of uncut decorations and makes himself comfortable.

“Harry didn’t come in today?” Louis says in greeting. He can’t believe how quickly he has become accustomed to Harry’s slow, ambling voice filtering through the building. Louis couldn’t even imagine that he would get to a point where he would actually look forward to Harry Styles’ face on a nearly daily basis. He honestly thought when he resolved to allow Harry into his life, that it would be one of life’s challenges. He took it as a learning experience, something that he would live to overcome.

But Harry surprised him, continues to surprise him every day.  Louis has been kind of blown away by the level of eagerness and inquisitiveness that Harry brings to the table. What Louis had once thought was an attempt to clear his conscience has actually tuned out to be a journey for Harry to heal his own soul. Louis actually feels privileged to be part of it.

“Miss him do you?” Niall’s chortle startles Louis out of his revery. He attempts an eye roll, but it’s forced.

“Just curious, that’s all Neil. I am trying to make conversation here.”

“Conversation about Harry.” Niall pushes.

“Why not?” Louis tries to divert the sudden attack. “He’s here almost as much as we are now.”

“I am just giving you lots of opportunity to talk about your feelings for a man who you had, not long ago, pretty much despised.” Niall chuckles again. “It’s alright, take your time.”

Louis does roll his eyes at this. “I have no issue saying that I was wrong about Harry. And I am glad for that. I don’t want to believe that anyone is a heartless douche. But we have a long way to go before we get to the word like.”

“Whatever you say boss.” Niall smirks at him, and then suddenly looks over Louis’ shoulder.

“Harry, wondered if you got lost. Pull up a chair and a pair of scissors.”

Louis turns around and smiles at Harry standing in the doorway. He can’t help it, he’s happy to see him. And it brings a warm feeling to his heart to see Harry wandering and being so comfortable pulling equipment from one of the desk drawers. No, Louis isn’t quite ready to say that he likes Harry out loud, but he can’t deny that it will change and probably soon. The thought isn’t as scary as it should be.

  


“So you were wrong about me?” Harry is sitting across from him, surrounded by a pile of paper clippings. Niall had long since given up for the promise of a hot sandwich at the deli on the corner. Louis wanted to go, too, but Harry kept diligent to his task, and Louis couldn’t quite pull away from him. They have been sitting in relative silence since. That is until now.

“You were listening in then.” Louis states without any heat into it.

Harry just shrugs casually.

“I heard a few things.” He says, continuing to cut out his characters. Louis however stops and leans into the table, watching Harry intently.

“How did it make you feel hearing me say those things about you?” Louis asks, curious as to Harry’s view on their developing situation. Harry laughs suddenly, throwing his head back and squeezing his eyes shut tight.

“Am I on the clock doctor?” Harry giggles through his hand, and Louis can’t help it. He blushes a little.

“That’s not what I meant. I just… I was just curious how you felt...about me.” Louis mumbles. “I was just wondering if you maybe felt the same.”

“Felt the same about you?” Harry asks, visibly startled out of his cutting.

“About being wrong, I mean.” Louis rushes, correcting him.

Harry stares at him for a moment, unnerving Louis more than he would like to admit. He’s about to say nevermind and go on about their business, when Harry slowly shakes his head.

“No, I wasn’t wrong about you Louis.” Harry says resolutely. Louis’ stomach drops a bit before he nods solemnly, not quite able to meet Harry’s eyes. “I knew from the first time I met you that you were a generous, kind, passionate, if sometimes a little hot headed, and most importantly good man. I have never believed anything else, and when I was able to get to know you ,and see this part of your life, I was just proven right.”

“Oh.” Louis manages somehow to choke out. He doesn’t quite know what else to say, or do or feel.

“It’s ok Louis. I know that it’s not the same for you. But there was a reason why I came to you after everything happened. It was a little selfish. I knew you could help me, and I also wanted to prove myself to you. I’m just happy to know that I am able to do that. So to answer your first question, I was happy to hear you say you were wrong about me. So thank you for saying it. Even if you didn’t say it to me.” Harry smiles at him, a genuine, beautiful smile, then stands up.

“That hot sandwich that Niall was talking about sounds good. I think I’ll go and find him.” He says, shaking off paper bits from his shirt. Louis can only nod. Harry stands for a moment in the doorway before he points a thumb to the door. “Want to come with me?”

Louis stands so fast that his chair tips. It makes them both flinch at the loud crash in the quiet building. “Yeah….”he nods. “Yeah that sounds good.”

 

****

 

The snow falls lightly onto the pavement, and melts instantly. It’s the first snow of the year, and despite the challenges that it brings for commuters in mid November, Harry can’t help but be in awe of the magic of it.

“I feel like we are in a snowglobe.” He says to Louis quietly as they inch out of the city. They have made of habit of travelling together at the end of the day after a fateful evening where Harry passed a rain drenched Louis trying to flag down a cab to absolutely no avail. Louis isn’t exactly in Harry’s neighborhood, but it’s not that far out of the way, and Harry is never going to say no to an extra hour of alone time with Louis Tomlinson.

“Yeah.” Louis replies, although it’s clear that Louis is distracted and paying no attention to the snow outside his window.

“Are you alright?” Harry asks. He never feels awkward asking things like that anymore. Louis and Niall ask about feelings on an hour to hour basis. It’s become a new norm that he is glad he picked up.

Louis just sighs, and smiles sadly at Harry. “I wouldn’t even be driving my bike right now. But I still miss it. I keep trying to pretend that it’s just in the garage where I store it for winter, but I know it’s not there.”

“Have you talked to your insurance company?” Harry asks, not really sure what else to say. He knows that the man who burned it has already been charged with arson and assault. But that doesn’t bring Louis’ bike back, and Louis seems to be distraught. Harry hates that Louis is upset.

“I have, I was fully covered of course. I just haven’t managed to find the enthusiasm to shop for a new one.” Louis looks out the window again, burrowing into his coat. It’s black with a white sherpa lining, and Louis looks like he’s wrapped in a blanket when he wears it. Affection spreads through his chest, and he has to almost slap his own hand away from reaching out. This whole crush business is bad news.

“I could help you.” Harry offers, hoping to find the right thing to say. “We could go together.”

Louis smiles, but it still doesn’t reach his eyes. “Thanks H, I really mean that. But I just don’t think I’m ready.” Louis smiles softer, almost to himself. “I had a lot of fun on that bike. We went a lot of miles together. There isn’t even anything left of it for me to add onto a new bike. You know this one time Zayn and I….” Louis frowns suddenly, staring at his fingers. “Zayn was with me when I got the bike.”

Harry glances at Louis who seems to have gone into his head, still frowning. Harry knows who Zayn is and knows that he was probably hurt the worst out of anyone in that last protest they were all at. Louis rarely ever says his name, he only ever hears it in hushed tones between him and Niall, arguing about freezing out people you care about. “Maybe you aren’t ready for the new bike because you haven’t had closure with Zayn yet.”

Louis snorts, but doesn’t smile. “Who’s the psychologist now?” He asks, and his voice sounds a little bitter. “Or are you letting Niall fill your head?”

“Neither. I can just see your face when you talk about Zayn.” Harry pauses, not knowing what is safe to say, but not able to keep himself from saying it anyway. “I was there, too. I know what happened to him.”

Louis nearly glares at Harry, but nods anyway. “I know you were.” He says softly. “I don’t need closure with Zayn. I need courage.” Harry slows the car in front of Louis’ small house and puts the car in park, allowing himself to turn more fully to Louis.

“I think you are one of the bravest men I’ve ever met. And I bet Zayn thinks the same thing.” Pain flashes through Louis’ eyes. Pure and raw pain. He bites his lip, sucking it through his teeth roughly and nods, not quite looking Harry in the eye. “I bet he misses you.” Harry says softly, involuntarily leaning into Louis’ body. “I know that I would if you were my best friend.”

“I think you might be my best friend.” Louis says, voice small.

Harry doesn’t even know what he is doing, but he leans forward and kisses him. Louis freezes, but he doesn’t pull back. It’s barely a touch to the lips, but Harry feels like his entire body is on fire. He pulls back like he has been actually burned and stares in horror as Louis stares back in shock.

Harry knew early on that he had an attraction to Louis Tomlinson, even on opposite sides of the line. There is just something about him that draws, not only Harry, but seemingly everyone to Louis’ vibrant character. But spending these few weeks with Louis on a day to day basis, Harry can feel his attraction turning to admiration, respect, and affection. He didn’t allow himself to believe that it would ever be reciprocated. He has never believed his feelings would be reciprocated, towards anyone.

“I’m sorry.” He says watching Louis’ face for a reaction. Any kind of reaction.

Whatever that reaction is, he doesn’t expect it to be Louis flying across the car, and attaching his lips to Harry’s once more, moving his body against Harry’s wherever he can. Harry is slow to wrap his arms around Louis’ torso, but he gets there, and it feels so good. So right. There doesn’t feel like there will ever be a time to stop, to pull away, but they both do, staring at one another like they have no idea what is going on.

“Thank you.” Louis says, voice raspy and affected. “Thank you for being my friend these last couple of months. And thank you for this.” He then pulls away, leaving Harry with a cold that he actually hates as he gets out of the car, giving Harry a small wave, and leaving him to drive home alone with a lot of questions.

 

It’s late. At least it feels late with the sun setting earlier and earlier every day, but Harry feels the weight of fatigue in his bones. And yet he feels like he could be floating. Louis kissed him. Harry can feel the blush creep into his cheeks just for thinking it out loud. He has basically spent his entire nighttime routine reliving the short moment in his head over and over. Mostly trying to push the question _what does this mean_ out of his head.

He almost isn’t even surprised when the phone rings at almost eleven. But that doesn’t stop his heart from jumping into his throat. He answers the second ring, not able to even pretend to be doing anything else than wanting to talk to Louis.

“Hello.” He answers, acknowledging that he knows who is on the other line.

“Hi...hey.” Louis replies, clearing his throat, seemingly caught off guard. Then silence. Harry can hear Louis breathing on the other line.

“Are you alright?” Harry asks tentatively. He will admit, he’s scared of the answer.

“Can I come over?” Louis rushes out, and Harry is almost speechless. He didn’t expect that. Of all of the things torush through his mind in the last few moments, this isn’t it.

“Yes, of course.” Harry stumbles over his words. His mind is running a mile a minute wondering what Louis would want with him. He adjusts himself before he can stop his hand and scold his dirty mind.

“Harry.” Louis’ voice brings him back to reality, and he brings his hand up as though he’s been caught out.

“Yes?” Harry asks, voice a little more gruff than he’d like. He is not playing this cool.

“I don’t know where you live.” Louis says, and there is definitely a hint of amusement in his voice. He has been caught out. Fuck.

“Oh...yeah...okay. I’ll text you the address. Are you alright to get here?” Harry replies.

“I should be fine H. See you soon?” Louis says, and it’s soft and sweet, and Harry wants to drown in his voice.

“Yes, soon.” He says, and the line goes dead.

  


Harry showers, changes, brushes his teeth, and brushes his hair. Then he decides that he’s trying too hard, and puts his sweats back on and tries to wash off the smell of aftershave. Then, he decides that Louis would see right through that and starts all over again.

He’s halfway through his second attempt at cleaning himself up when the doorbell rings. Shit, he’s not ready. He knows how close Louis lives to him, he should have been more prepared for this. He should have asked him to come next week. Then maybe he’d be prepared.

The doorbell rings again, and he jumps, running to the door. “Coming!” He calls out, and swings the door open, panting slightly, more because of nerves than actual exertion. Louis looks at him, gives him a once over more like, and Harry realises that he’s focusing on something on his chest. That’s when he realises that he didn’t put a shirt on after shaving. His first instinct is to cover up, but on the other hand Louis looks like he’s moments away from salivating, so maybe it’s not such a bad thing.

“Can I come in?” Louis asks, still not quite looking Harry in the eye. Harry jumps back, giving Louis room to walk through the door.

Harry closes the door, and they just kind of stand there for a few moments. Harry feels a bit like he is under inspection. He fights the urge to stand at attention. Louis looks like he’s having some sort of internal struggle. He doesn’t say anything, just kind of shifts and wrings his hands a bit.

“Sorry it’s so late.” He finally says. “This is ridiculous.”

“No, it’s fine.” Harry insists. He wants to reach out to Louis, touch him, kiss him like before. But he doesn’t know what to do. He instead points to the small living room to the left of the front door and offers Louis a seat. He accepts, and Harry almost fist pumps that he’s going to stay long enough to sit. He can only take it as a good sign.

“So I kissed you.” Louis says once they are comfortable, or as comfortable as this situation can be.

“Yes, and I kissed you.” Harry replies, trying to keep the shaking out of his voice.

“You did.” Louis says reflectively. “I wasn’t expecting that.”

“Is that why you’re here?” Harry asks.

“I’m working through some things, yeah.” Louis kind of chuckles, and Harry hasn’t seen this side of Louis before. He’s seen him angry and indignant and cool. He’s seen him laugh and joke and fond over the kids at the center. But he’s never seen him unsure of himself.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Harry offers. Finally, Louis looks at him, actually looks at him. Harry feels unsettled by the intense stare.

Louis licks his lips and shuffles forward a little. Harry can practically feel the magnetic pull of Louis when they are close. Harry moves forward too, not even able to stop himself.

“Kiss me again?” He breathes.

Harry doesn’t have to be asked twice. He leans into Louis, capturing his lips, feeling them move gently under Harry’s. It’s like an electric shock waving through his entire body. He wants more. He lets his tongue slip through his lips and part Louis,’ feeling his hot tongue seeking out Harry’s mouth, too.

It’s a lot, he never expected a simple kiss to make him feel so much, in so many places. He reaches out to Louis, grasping the back of his neck, desperate to pull him closer, desperate to keep this connection.  Louis does the same, surrounding the back of Harry’s head with both of his hands, running them through his hair, pulling at the shortest pieces on the back of his neck, causing Harry to break the kiss, gasping at the pain that only seems to increase the pleasure. Louis moves down to Harry’s neck, kissing and biting frantically.

“Jesus, Lou.” Harry pants. Louis moans against his skin sending a vibration right down to his dick that he realises is fully hard. “Louis.” He says again. Louis stops at this, looking concerned, but at the same time so affected. Harry wants to devour him.

“Too much?” Louis asks, although he they both know the answer.

“I want it. I want so much.” Harry reaches out and pulls their foreheads together, feeling the heat of their attraction. “But what do you want?”

Louis laughs a little. “Isn’t it obvious?”

“Lou, I’ve never done this before. I want to so much, but...I have never.” He pulls back, looking at the wall, the floor, anything but Louis. “I need to know how you feel. I think you know how I feel, and I can tell you if you want to hear it. But I need to hear you say it too.”

“So you have never had sex with a man?” Louis asks. There’s no judgement, just a question.

“Never had sex, never kissed, never even told a guy that I liked him.” Harry replies, and he can feel Louis still beside him.

“Jesus H, I’m sorry.” He whispers.

“Don’t be sorry unless you don’t plan to take this beyond tonight.” Harry replies. His heart is pounding frantically. This is the answer that he has been waiting for since their ride in the car. Longer probably.

“I didn’t think about what would happen beyond tonight.” Louis replies. “All I could focus on was feeling the way I did when your lips were on mine.”

Harry nods. “I understand.” He says, but he doesn’t. He wants Louis to want him. He has wanted that since the first day.

“No, you don’t Harry.” Louis says, reaching out for him, catching him off guard. “This isn’t a one night thing. I am not messing this up by letting my dick make decisions for me.”

“Okay.” Harry replies, letting his fingers thread through Louis’. “So what is happening here then.”

Louis sighs, but there is a chuckle hidden deep down. “I am going to ignore my dick tonight. And yours, too.” Louis says, causing Harry to blush a scarlet so deep he can feel it. “And I am going home.” Harry can feel his heart sink, but Louis keeps his hand firmly in his own. “And I will be back tomorrow, asking you out on a proper date. We can talk then.”

“A date?” Harry asks.

“A date. Please don’t turn me down. I don’t know if my ego will be able to handle it.”

“I won’t. I promise.” Harry shakes his head.

“Good.” Louis smiles, a genuine smile. “Now I am going to go home and take a cold shower.” He stands up, and starts walking to the door. Harry follows close behind.

“You don’t have to.” Harry replies, voice small and timid. He has no idea what he would do to help Louis, but he can picture a few ideas right off the top of his head.

“Yes I do.” Louis says decisively. “I said I was working through some things. I’ve worked through them, thank you.”

“And you’ve decided you’re going to leave me wanting?”

Louis laughs out loud at this.

“It’s going to be done right. Not like two horny teenagers doing a booty call. You are worth more than that.” Louis replies.

“You make it really difficult to argue with you.” Harry pouts.

“That’s the plan.” Louis says before spiriting off into the night again.

  
****

 

“Oh Niall, I messed up so bad.” Louis chews on the skin on the edge of his nail. It took him all of an hour, mostly the trip home from Harry’s house to realise that he may have just done something incredibly stupid.

“I doubt you messed up.” Niall replies, feigning disinterest. Which is total bullshit because there is absolutely no one more interested in Louis’ personal life than Niall.

“I asked him on a date. I’m not sure if I’m ready to date.” _Date_. The word feels like it’s about to slice his tongue off.

Niall rolls his eyes, helpful as ever. “You have spent the last nearly two months in this man’s company. You have had many instances where you’ve been in situations that could easily have been considered a date.” Apparently mistake number two is that he has come to Niall Horan for advice.

“This is different, Niall. It’s about intent. Intent to know one another, intent to be intimate, intent to be physical.” Louis throws himself back, covering his hand with his face. How can not everyone in the planet see that this is a grave mistake on his part. “This is a disaster.” He tacks on, if Niall had for some reason not caught on.

“This is not a disaster, Louis. There are a lot of things in your life that could be considered a disaster. But asking Harry Styles on a date isn’t one of them.” Niall says seriously.

“That is not what we are talking about.” Louis replies, tone a little too sharp.

“Louis, in all of the years that I have known you, there has been very little that you have actually been afraid of. Love or intent or whatever bullshit you are calling it is definitely not on that list.” Niall crosses his arms and leans in towards Louis from his own chair.

“So you want to talk about the things that actually scare me?” Louis sulks. This is not how this conversation was supposed to go.

“That’s up to you.” Niall replies, a little more softly. Louis pouts. He doesn’t want to talk about the things that are really bothering him. He doesn’t even want to think about them.

“He’s not doing that great.” Louis says softly.

“Yeah?” Niall asks.

“He’s healing fine, no complications at all, but he’s...angry. He won’t talk to me about it.”

“You can’t fix him.” Niall says. It’s obvious that Niall knew where this conversation was going right from the start. Bastard. “And you can’t punish Harry because Zayn is having a hard time dealing with a traumatic event in his life.”

Louis scoffs. Niall has lost the plot. “I haven’t done anything to Harry.”

“What do you call showing up on the man’s door in the middle of the night?” Niall looks at him pointedly. Fuck, he forgot that he told Niall that part already. Called him before he left actually. Apparently, Louis isn’t capable of making rational decisions at all these days.

“Lust, Niall. Lust and love are very different things.” Niall perks up at this, of course he does. It’s like he’s a blood hound, and he just found a scent trail.

“Love you say.” He rubs his chin, smirking openly.

Louis actually face palms. How is he the only one who understands this. “A date is the intent to love. I asked him on a date. I showed intent to love.” He throws his arms in the hair helplessly. “I might as well have asked him to marry me!”

Niall stays silent after this, so long that Louis has to turn and look at him fully to gauge his reaction. Niall is staring stone faced, eyes judging him behind a pair of thick black framed glasses.

“Seek professional help.” He deadpans before he stands up, likely in search of wine therapy.

“What do you think I’m doing lying on your couch!” He yells after him, but the subject is obviously closed.

 

Louis feels like a good date with Harry would be something active. He needs to release some nervous energy. He feels like this date is a make or break for whatever him and Harry have going on. He doesn’t want to call it fragile exactly, maybe unstable, maybe just unsure. Or maybe he just really likes this guy and doesn’t want to mess it up anymore than he has to. His chest tightens at the thought of it. Unfortunately the weather is not in their favour as far as outdoor activity goes, so Louis has to be creative.

“Paintball?” Harry asks, sounding more skeptical than he normally does when Louis presents him with an idea.

“Indoor paintball.” Louis replies, proudly. It’s brilliant. The look on Harry’s face tells him that he doesn’t quite agree.

“You do know what I do for a living. I have had professional training.” Harry levels him a look, but there is a spark of amusement in his eye. And ok, Louis did not think this through all the way, but he has never backed down from a challenge.

“Yes, but I have the killer instinct.” Louis points his nose up, walking towards the large doors of the building.

“Again,” Harry says following close behind. “Maybe keep in mind that you’re talking to a cop when you say things like that.” Louis looks over his shoulder to see Harry trying to suppress a laugh. He rolls his eyes dramatically causing Harry’s suppressed laugh to turn into a full blown grin. Like he said, he’s brilliant.

 

“Ok, you’re letting me win.” Louis pouts after he has shot Harry for the third time.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Harry laughs, pulling off his safety goggles. His hair is a mess, and sweat is starting to form around his temple, but his eyes are shining bright.

Louis crosses his arms with a bit of difficulty over his chest. He’s not used to such bulk around his torso as what this protective gear is causing. It’s affecting his ability to sass properly. “You weren’t even trying.”

Harry laughs, loud and unabashed. Louis can’t help the smile that creeps up his lips just from watching him. “I have been trying.” He protests. “Trying to make this date last longer than half an hour.” He’s still laughing, almost doubled over at this point.

“So you admit that you are letting me win.” Louis replies, smirking back. They have somehow managed to get impossibly close over the exchange, and Louis could reach out and touch the dimple formed in his cheek.

“I’m trying to be chivalrous.” Harry says, placing a hand delicately on his chest and straightening his spine.

“You’re being a shithead.” Louis says. He picks up his gun, and takes a step back. “One more go. Don’t hold back.” Harry looks at him skeptically. “I want to see what you’ve got.”

“Lou…” Harry puts his hands up in surrender.

“No, I want to make sure that the people of this city are safe. You’re starting to worry me with these sub par skills.” Louis goads him, and Harry smirks. He pulls the goggles back down his face.

“If you say so.” He shrugs.

“I say so.” Louis replies definitively.

 

It takes five minutes.

“Wow. Ok.” Louis says as they once again meet up to turn in their gear. Harry looks apologetic.

“Sorry Lou, I warned you.” He says sheepishly.

“You weren’t kidding.” Louis replies, a little breathless. “You really know what to do with that thing.” He clears his throat.

Harry stops removing his equipment and looks at him carefully. “Louis,” he almost sounds like he’s chastising him. “Did me shooting you turn you on?”

“No!” Louis protests loudly. “Not per se. Just reminds me I guess what you’re capable of. Makes me think.” Louis is having a hard time looking Harry in the eye.

“What does it make you think about?” Harry says. Louis suddenly can feel Harry close to him, hear the depth of his voice. He dares a look and can see that Harry is staring at him as well, a stare that Louis can almost taste it's that intense. He’s suddenly really aware of his surroundings and that they are very much not alone. He shakes himself visibly.

“That the city is safe with you.” He practically whispers, and the spell is broken. Almost. Harry is still staring, his gaze never wavering, but he’s unloading his equipment at a faster pace, getting them out of there as quickly as humanly possible.

 

They are barely inside Louis’ door when Harry presses him hard against the wall, crowding every part of Louis’ body with his own. All Louis can do is hang on for dear life. He breaks away when Harry’s hand ventures down down down and cups Louis’ ass, pulling him impossibly closer. “Harry.” He gasps.

Harry doesn’t let go, just moves his mouth down to Louis’ shoulder, letting his teeth scrape against the small part of exposed flesh above his neck line. A groan escapes his mouth involuntarily, causing Harry to grind down on him roughly.

“Harry.” He says a little more sharply. He can feel Harry deflate a little as he rests his head on Louis’ shoulder.

“Yes, Louis?” He can tell that Harry’s attempting to sound casual, but it doesn’t take a genius to hear that he is definitely not casual.

“This isn’t how this was supposed to go.” Louis swallows hard. He’s begging for the rational part of his brain to hold steady.

To Louis’ surprise, Harry’s response to this is laughter. “None of this is how it was supposed to go, Lou. But here we are, and I wouldn’t change a thing.”

Dammit, there goes the reasoning. He’s a romantic, too. “But I wanted to do this right, I wanted it to be good for you.”

A devilish grin spreads across Harry’s face, Louis feels like a deer in his sights. “And you’re doing such a good job. I feel so good, I feel so right.”

“Jesus Harry, I thought you were inexperienced.” Louis gasps as Harry digs back into Louis’ neck like a steak, fingers digging into his backside like he’s holding on for dear life.

“That’s a low blow.” Harry mumbles into his shoulder.

“It’s not, I just...I thought you’d want to take it slow that’s all.” Louis attempts to stop grinding against Harry’s leg that has made it’s way between his legs.

Harry finally stops at this, moves back enough to level Louis a hard stare. “I am almost 30 years old. I have waited for this moment for longer than even I realised I have been waiting. I am ready, and I don’t think I can take this any slower than I already am.” He continues to stare at Louis, waiting for a response. His eyes are big and dark, his lips wet and swollen. _Fuck._

“Okay, fuck okay.” He breathes, and it’s all the response that Harry needs before he hoists him by the back of the legs and carries him further into the house.

They trip into bed, Harry landing on top of Louis, but it doesn’t slow him down. He continues to nip at Louis’ lip and lick into his mouth. Louis has a brief moment on wondering how long it’s been since he’s just made out with someone. Usually he’d have at least half of his clothes off by now, but this is Harry’s show. Louis is going to go as fast or slow as Harry is ready.

But Louis is just human, and at the first graze of contact he pushes his hips up to meet Harry’s own erection, and it elicits a curse from Harry’s lips. “Louis.” He breathes.

“Yeah,” Louis replies.

Harry buries himself into Louis’ shoulder again. Louis can feel the heat of his face. “I don’t know what to do next.” He says quietly. Louis brings his hands up to Harry’s waist, and starts them under the hem of his loose t shirt. He lingers on the soft skin right above the waist of his tight blue jeans, revelling in the hitch of breath it causes from Harry.

“Whatever makes you feel good.” Louis says as evenly as he can. He knows what he wants to do, but again, this isn’t about him. Harry must get a few ideas as well because he suddenly pulls himself up onto one arm, and uses the other to pull the shirt off his back. Louis watches from where he’s at Harry’s muscles ripple as he shifts, and moves over him. Harry effortlessly picks himself up, and shifts over Louis, taking his jeans down quickly. When he’s done he’s left in only his underwear, which is interesting, but Louis doesn’t say anything. Just smiles when Harry seems to settle again, looking somewhat shy.

“Is this ok?” He asks in earnest. Louis nods his head eagerly.

“Do you want me to take mine off, too?” He asks, and Harry’s eyes flash with want. Louis can see his Adam's apple bob as he shakily nods. Louis shimmies out of his jeans as Harry’s watches him, stares at him. When he goes to grab for his own shirt, Harry straddles him and pulls it up over his head gently.

They stare at each other for a moment, and Louis can feel the weight of what is about to happen wrap around his chest. Of course he’s been with people who it was their first time, everyone has a first somewhere if they are sexually active, but this feels different. More important. He puffs out a breath, trying to control his nerves.

“You are really beautiful.” Harry almost whispers. Louis smiles.

“So are you Harry.” He replies. Harry leans down once more and captures his lips, and the kiss is different. More tender, more affectionate somehow. Louis wraps his arms around Harry’s neck, pulling him down closer. They start moving against one another again. This time with intent. Louis doesn’t hold back a groan when Harry slips his thigh between Louis’. There is still two layers of fabric between them but at this point, Louis doesn’t know if that’s much going to matter.

“I want you to touch me.” Harry blurts out, almost sobs, and Louis can see that Harry is close too.

“Yes, I want to.” Louis brings his hands down and pushes Harry’s underwear past his hips, freeing Harry’s hard cock. He doesn’t hesitate to put his hand on him, caressing the soft skin gently at first. “Lay beside me.” He tells Harry, and they lay side to side on the bed, facing one another. “You can touch me too, if you want.” He says as he begins a rhythm with his hand on Harry. Harry pushes Louis’ underwear down to his thighs, but just stops. Louis watches him, to see if he’s ok, but he’s just staring, hips moving just slightly with Louis’ hand.

“Are you alright?” Louis asks.

“Yes, please, just keep going.” Harry hisses. Louis does. He doesn’t know if he could stop if he wanted to, but he is going to burst wide open if he doesn’t touch himself. He reaches down to do just that when Harry grabs his wrist. “No, I want to do it.” He says. He takes Louis’ leaking cock into his hand as though it was made of porcelain. The light touch is almost as bad as nothing at all. He bucks up furiously, looking for friction.

“More H, please.” He begs, and Harry groans loudly. He grips him more firmly, and gives him what he wants, meeting the rhythm of Louis’ hand. “Yes, please just like that.” He says, and Harry is leaning into him once again, grinding on his hip, pulling him closer so that their dicks are touching as they get each other off.

“Say it again.” Harry says. Louis’ brain short circuits, he has no idea what Harry is talking about for a moment. “Ask for it, beg for it.” Harry grits out.

“Please.” Louis whimpers, and that is it for Harry. He grabs Louis’ hip with one hand, still moving his other over Louis’ impossibly hard dick, and comes with a groan over Louis’ stomach, and hand. It’s too much for Louis, and at the same time, exactly what he needs. He doesn’t hold back and lets out a low moan as he comes too with Harry practically on top of him, breath heaving.

“Oh my God Louis.” Harry can barely talk.

“Are you alright?” Louis asks, bringing his clean hand up to Harry’s shoulder. Harry practically melts into the touch, cuddling closer, head in Louis’ shoulder again.

“I’m alright. More than alright.” He pauses for a moment. Louis can practically hear him thinking. “I’m not sure what to do now.” He says finally. Louis chuckles.

“What do you want to do?” Louis asks.

“Sleep, get off again, tie you to the bed so that we can stay here for the rest of our lives.” Harry replies. Louis takes his time envisioning all of those scenarios, letting his mind linger particularly long over the last one.

“All good options.” Louis replies. “But may I make a suggestion?”

“Sure.” Harry replies, not sounding at all like he’s listening.

“Shower, food, sleep, get off again. We’ll talk about tying me to the bed another day.” He says, and Harry lifts his head finally, smiling through creased eyes, and upended curls.

“And he’s smart, too. I’m a lucky man.” Harry says, and stands up, only a little awkwardly with his underwear pushed around his thighs. “Shower with me?” He asks with a smile that Louis couldn’t say no to if he wanted.

 

They lay in bed while the sun filters bleakly into Louis’ bedroom window. Neither are asleep, but both are thoroughly sated from the promised second round after a good night’s sleep. Harry lazily traces the lines in Louis’ palm while Louis watches the different little expressions that flit across his face.

“You know, being a cop is what you didn’t like about me at first.” Harry murmurs, never shifting his attention from Louis’ hand.

Louis makes a noncommittal “mhm” in response. He doesn’t know if he wants to think about that right now. Except Harry smirks, mischief sparkling in his eyes.

“Seems to have the opposite effect now doesn’t it?” He lifts his eyebrows comically. Louis rolls his eyes.

“Fuck off.” He says, nudging Harry’s shoulder. “You have no proof, and I’ll deny anyone who asks.”

“Is that right?” Harry asks. He lifts himself so that he’s straddling Louis’ waist. “So if I told you that I had a pair of handcuffs at home, it wouldn’t mean a thing to you?”

“Not.” Louis has to clear his throat. Fuck. “Not at all.” He replies. Harry smiles like the Ccheshire Ccat.

“Remember when I took you into custody?” Harry asks, as though it was the most casual get together they have ever had.

“Yes.”

“Remember you were trying to goad me? Telling me that I liked bending you over the car?”

“Yeah.”

“You were right. I wanted to take you right there. Pull your hands behind your back, bend you over the car, and just have my way with you.” Harry confides in him. Louis can hear his heart, it’s beating that wildly.

“Fuck.” He breathes out. “You’re a menace, Harry Styles.”

Harry’s expression suddenly changes, turns to the shy side that he has shown over the last day. “I know this is soon, but I want to know.” Harry’s not looking at him again, so Louis reaches out and comforts him as best he can by rubbing his hands up and down Harry’s bare thighs. “I was just wondering if maybe I could be your menace?” He says quietly.

Intent, the word just screams at Louis in his head. Intent to love, intent to be intimate. It’s a lot, it’s soon. Louis thinks for a fleeting moment of his other option, to not have Harry in any and every way. The answer is beautifully simpley. “My menace, Harry. Definitely my menace.”

 

Harry and Louis walk hand in hand into the resource center. They have been dating for almost three weeks now, and to say it’s been good would be a disservice. Louis isn’t much one to moon over anyone or anything. He’s a rational being, but at the same time it’s hard not to believe that something bigger than him created this man especially for him.

“Good Morning!” Niall greets them cheerfully, as he normally does. This particular morning he’s knee deep in Christmas decorations, a long strand of garland wrapped around his neck like a scarf. Louis had been holding him off the decorations until it was at least full on December. It’s been December for a full week now, Louis can’t stop him now.

“Good morning Niall. Today’s the day?” Harry asks joyfully. Louis iHe’s truly outnumbered in the Christmas spirit department. Harry immediately starts rummaging through the box, completely abandoning Louis.

“I have actual work to do today.” Louis announces. It falls on deaf ears, and he shakes his head, too endeared to be annoyed. He walks into his office, and immediately wishes he was also up to his eyeballs in Christmas trinkets. He doesn’t remember ever having as much paperwork as he does right now.

Since he stepped away from the Wwolves, and all of their obligations, he has been pushing head first into his other passion, helping kids in the area, in any way he can. With all of the grants he’s been applying for, and funding for new programs, he’s starting to feel like he may have gotten a little in over his head. He’s thankful for having Harry around to help, and he doubts any of it would get done if it weren’t for him, even though in the back of his mind, in the very back, very dark part of his mind, he wonders what Harry is even still doing around. Not with Louis per se, but volunteering sometimes up to 10 hours a day. But Harry doesn’t bring it up, he still calls himself a cop. He still acts like he’s part of that world, so Louis doesn’t ask either.

The phone rings at around 10am. Louis is in the middle of a paragraph on yet another grant proposal. He doesn’t want distraction.

“Niall! H!” He calls out the office door. “Can one of you get that?”

“Got it!’ Niall calls, and the ringing almost immediately stops. He digs back into his paragraph until Niall’s head pops back into the office.

“Louis, it’s Zayn.” There’s a crease running down Niall’s forehead, and his coat is in his hand.

 

****

 

Harry doesn’t even want to admit the jump of nerves he feels when he walks through the doors of the station or the guilt he feels when he wants to take a giant step away from Louis when Louis reaches for his hand. Louis must feel the tension in his hand because he almost immediately releases it, giving him an apologetic look that Harry absolutely does not deserve.

“Styles!” He hears a familiar bark in the distance, and he looks to see his boss stalking toward him.

“Yes sir.” Harry can feel his spine straightening.

“What are you doing here? What do you need?” James asks. He’s coming towards them, and while his voice, and expression is soft, all Harry can feel is anxiety. He wants to leave, run.

“My friend called and asked me to pick him up.” Louis interjects, sounding every bit the hard, authority hating being that Harry had first met. James shifts his eyes quickly to Louis.

“Name?” James asks.

“Malik.” Louis replies, short and concise, his gazeves never shifts, Harry can tell that he’s trying to make himself as tall as he can. James on the other hand doesn’t hide his surprise. He looks back towards Harry.

“He’s in room three with Payne. T, they’re still taking statements, so I’m afraid you will have to wait for a few more minutes.

“That’s fine.” Harry says. H, his throat is dry, but his words sound okay. “I’ll show Louis, and Niall where to wait.” He touches Louis’ back lightly, guiding him through the rows of desks. It’s obvious that Louis knows where he’s going, but he lets Harry lead him anyway, leaning gently into his hand.

“Um, I am going to see if Liam is ready for us.” He says when he finds some empty chairs for Louis, and Niall. “Are you ok here?”

“We are fine, Harry.” Louis replies softly, but the concern has never left his face. According to Niall, Zayn didn’t say much on the phone besides ‘come get me.” None of them have any idea what they are walking into.

He knocks softly on the door before he opens it to find Liam sitting in a chair, so close to another man that their knees are touching. When the walks in further Liam turns around, and Harry can see that he has a bright red mark on his cheek, but when he looks beyond, the other man looks a lot worse. His hair is everywhere, and there is dried blood crusted near his lip. He’s also covered in what Harry assumes is dirt.

“Styles.” Liam stands up, and comes towards Harry. Harry doesn’t know what he expects from the man, but it’s not the full body hug that Liam gives him. “What are you doing here man?” Liam asks.

“I’m here with Louis Tomlinson?” Harry says quietly to Zayn. “I was just making sure he was free to go.” He looks at Zayn who is sitting quietly. H, his face looks sad, and pained;, his whole expression screams closed off. Liam pulls back, and looks at Zayn as well with what Harry could almost describe as fondness.

“He is., I was just making sure we got all of the information.” Liam goes back to the table, and begins to straighten up the paper scattered there. Harry steps out long enough to motion for Louis to come in.

Louis rushes in as though he was shot from a canon. He takes one look at the scene, and the energy that comes off of him is like a firecracker exploded in the room.

“What in the hell happened?” He yells, and all eyes are on him. The silence is deafening. Louis stares at Zayn like he is trying to shoot lasers through his eyes. Zayn is staring at the empty table, and crossing his arms as though he’s trying to hold himself together by sheer will. When it’s clear that Zayn isn’t going to speak, Liam does.

“I was called to 10-59 early this morning. A resident called because someone was covering a sign on their lawn with spray paint.” He glances at Zayn. Louis continues to glare. “When I showed up however I found Mr. Malik in a physical altercation with the resident. I had to separate them. That’s how I got this.” Liam points to the mark on his face that is clearly going to be a bruise in the near future.

It somehow makes Liam smile even more than he already was. “I know, just let me tell the story.” He chides. Harry is confused.

“Zayn felt me grab him, and in his confusion he swung, thinking the guy was attacking him again.” Louis is staring between Liam, and Zayn, and honestly, Harry feels the same.

“So is Zayn in trouble or not?” Louis asks Liam. H, he sounds almost frantic.

“He did destroy the man’s property, but his record is clean otherwise, and the man assaulted him without provocation. There are plenty of witnesses to that. I am no lawyer, but if you asked me, I am going to take a guess and say the guy will likely drop the charges.” He walks over to Zayn, and places a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Take care of yourself alright? You’ve got my number if you need it.”

Zayn nods slowly, and gets up. Harry can’t help but notice that he is holding his middle protectively. Liam watches him too.

“You should probably get him to a doctor, but good luck convincing him of that.” He says quietly to Harry. Harry just nods as Louis puts his arm protectively over Zayn’s shoulders, and escorts him from the room.

 

“I need to take Zayn home.” Louis says sharply when Harry catches up to him just outside the station.

“I’ll get the car.” Harry replies, still somewhat stunned from the whole encounte.r, Zayn’s not the only one who is eager to get out of here.

“I called for a car.” Louis says, and Harry can only stare. I, it’s like his mind is numb, and nothing is actually processing. Why would Louis call a car? He had a perfectly good car in the lot. He sees Louis grip Zayn’s shoulders a little tighter, and Zayn shy away from Harry’s presence. Oh.

“I see. Alright then. I guess I will see you later then.” Harry replies.

Louis breaks away from Zayn then, and comes to Harry. He can tell that Louis is intentionally not reaching for him, looking for his touch. Harry can’t say he blames him. He brought that on himself, but he wants Louis to touch him, so badly it almost hurts. Louis comes close though, close enough that Harry can feel the heat from his skin, despite the cold.

“I’ll call you alright?” He whispers. “As soon as I can. I just...I need…” Louis doesn’t finish his sentence.

“It’s ok Lou, I get it. G, go be with Zayn.” He says, and he means it. Zayn needs Louis right now. He ignores the little voice that screams at him that he needs Louis right now too.

“I’ll call.” Louis repeats, and then the car is at the curb, and Louis, and Zayn are climbing in. Harry just stares after it.

He doesn’t realise he isn’t alone until Liam comes up behind him. “Where did they go?” He asks, and it might sound casual, but it isn’t. Liam is concerned too.

“Louis took Zayn home. Niall left as soon as he found out that Zayn didn’t actually murder someone.”

“And that leaves you.” Liam replies.

“Yup.” Harry sticks his hands in his pockets, and stares at his shoes. They are getting wet with the slushy mess on the ground.

“So that Louis, he was from the protests.” Liam also says.

“Yes.”

“And you two…” Liam’s voice gets a little quieter. It’s both nice for him to be discreet, and infuriating that he feels the need to be.

“Yes Liam, we are together. The delinquent biker who stages protests in front of schools and churches is my boyfriend.” He stops short because the word boyfriend coming from his mouth makes his heart feel like it has full on stopped. He’s never said it out loud. Not even to Louis. He stares at Liam, feeling the panic rising from his stomach.

“As long as he makes you happy, what does it matter?.” Liam says, almost chiding Harry. Maybe he is, maybe he’s upset that Harry assumed he would be upset to begin with.

“Zayn isn't straight. I don't know what he identifies as, but it's not straight.” Harry watches Liam’s face, not sure what he expects to see there. It's not a laugh.

“I suspected as much.” He says. “He was spray painting a rainbow over a particularly homophobic sign on the guy’s lawn.” Liam laughs like it’s the funniest thing he had ever seen in his life. “Plus he told me.”

“There was just…” Harry swallows the lump in his throat. He doesn’t want to have this conversation. He wants to go home, to go to Louis. “You seemed to make friends.” He finishes with. It’s not what he wanted to say.

“I can’t be friends with gay people?” Liam asks, and it snaps something inside Harry.

“You fucking well know that’s not what I meant Liam! Don’t be so obtuse! Especially when it’s fake.” He bursts out, getting ready to stalk to his car, and properly sulk in peace.

“I like Zayn.” Liam says again, in that horribly calm way. “I don’t know in what way I like him, but he makes me smile. Maybe we’ll be friends, maybe I’ll never see him again. Maybe something else will happen. And that’s ok. I am not the one being obtuse here. I am ok with any relationship I have with someone who makes me smile. You are the one who is angry. Maybe take some time to think about that.”

Harry stares at him. Liam is staring back. His words may be calm, but the fire in his eyes tells another story. He has nothing to say to respond to Liam’s accusations, so he just turns around, and leaves him standing on the curb. He goes home alone.

 

It’s nearly midnight the next day before Harry hears anything from Louis. It comes in the form of a text.

_Can I come over?_

**_Yeah, I’m home._ **

Less than an hour later Louis walks into Harry’s small kitchen. The look of exhaustion on his face is a stark contrast to the vibration of energy flowing from his body.

“How is Zayn?” Harry asks, not really knowing what else to say, what he is allowed to say.

“Hurt.” Louis says, his tone clipped. “Again.” He slumps into the kitchen chair in front of him, and patys his head in his hands.

“It’s not your fault.” Harry replies, sitting next to him.

“Yeah I know. But that doesn’t meant that I can’t do something about it.” Louis’ voice is hard. Harry’s stomach wants to drop into his knees.

“Like what?” Harry asks, and the tone in his voice must betray him because Louis looks up, and shoots him a hard look.

“Like protest, like let everyone know what kind of disgusting human is living in their midst. We can’t just sit around and let this happen, let people be attacked like this.” Louis is looking at Harry as though his is the problem here, and Harry has this oppressiveng feeling that they have returned to where they started.

“Louis, you can’t just…”

“I can’t what?” Louis cuts him off, standing again, backing away from Harry. “I can’t stick up for my friend? Stick up for what I believe in? I’m not you Harry., I can’t hide, and run away from everything. I face my fears.”

“What the hell?” Harry stands too. “Is this about the police station?”

“I’m proud of who I am, and I am not going to hide just because the guy I’m sleeping with is ashamed of me. What was it? That I’m a guy, or that the last time we were in there was because you were arresting me?”

“None of it!” Harry yells, effectively cutting Louis off of his rant. “Literally, none of it! I was nervous to be in that place because of the last time I was there! It had nothing to do with you! The last time I saw any of those people’s faces I had come out, and walked out. I had no idea what I was walking into in there. I was scared, yes scared as hell. But not because you were there. You being by my side was the only thing keeping me in that place.” Harry’s voice is pleading. He begs Louis with his eyes. For what, he isn’t sure. He isn’t sure how they even ended up here.

“Oh.” Louis replies.

“Yeah, oh. Then you left me standing on the curb alone so that I could get a good dressing down from Liam.

“What for?”

“For assuming that he was homophobic, for assuming he’s straight for fuck sakes.” He feels so tired, and what he is most tired of is Louis standing on the opposite side of the kitchen.

“Harry.” Louis says softly. It’s the softest thing he’s said all night. “Are you going back?”

Harry has handed himself this question every day since the moment he walked out. The talk with Liam didn’t really help his decision. “I don’t know. What about you?”

“Me?” Louis asks.

“Are you going back to the Wolves?”

“I don’t know.” Louis repeats him, looking reflective.

“I guess we have both been hiding away.” Harry offers. He takes a step towards Louis, feeling better already.

“This is pretty much what Zayn has told me.” Louis deflates a bit again,

“Louis,” Harry finally brings himself to touch. It's just a few fingertips on the arm, but it’s enough to ground him. “It’s not your job to keep Zayn out of trouble.”

“Maybe not, but he’s my friend, and I just walked away from him. It was selfish.”

Harry wants to argue, he wants to tell Louis that he has every right to walk away, but he realises something. “I’ve done the same thing with work, with Liam. I spent so much energy thinking that people would look down on me for being gay, for being different. Liam was angry because I didn’t take the time to consider his feelings. I messed up.”

“I think that makes two of us.” Louis says, wrapping his arms around Harry’s torso, holding on tight. Harry rests his head on the top of Louis’.

“What are we going to do?”

“I can’t let that asshole off. Not this time.” Louis pulls his head back, leveling a stare at Harry. “You don’t know, H. You have no idea the pain that man has put us through, and many others. We can’t just stand down.”

“What’s the point of fighting hate with hate?”

“Well then what do you suggest? Letting the police handle it?”

“I don’t appreciate that tone, but no. There has got to something.”

“Something like what? I honestly want to know H, because besides burn his house to the ground, I’m coming up blank.” Harry can feel Louis bristling under his touch. Harry is sure that Louis wouldn’t just drive to that guy’s place and do it right then if it weren’t for Harry holding him back.

“You’re a smart man. You spend your days trying to make those kids’ lives better. You spread love every day. We need to fight hate with love, Lou.” He says, trying to soothe the tense muscles of Louis’ back.

“We?” Louis asks, eyes searching Harry’s, pleading.

“Yes, of course. Me and you. We can find a way.” Harry smiles, feeling more free than he ever has before. With Louis by his side, they can do anything, Harry is sure of it.

“Fight with love.” Louis mirrors him, holding on tighter. “Definitely love.” He murmurs almost to himself, but Harry gets the message loud and clear.

 

+++++++++++++++

 

Harry opens the door to the squad car, and gets out to a sea of people. The noise level is moderate, but he can pick out a few voices loud and clear. One of them being Louis Tomlinson.

“H! Harry!” He’s yelling, and Harry can pinpoint him almost immediately. He looks towards his partner, Liam, who smiles, and pushes him forward into the crowd. Louis stands in the center of the crowd surrounded by Niall, and Zayn and a few other Wolves that Harry has met.

“Big crowd.” Harry replies, scanning the large group gathered. A lot of media, a lot of spectators. Louis nods enthusiastically.

“It’s great, I know. We are almost ready to start.” He says, straightening his suit, a tiny wolf pin replacing the large patched vest.

“I’ll be watching.” Harry replies, taking Louis’ hand gently.

“I love you.” Louis says before he is whisked off to the entry of the building. It’s been almost six months of Louis telling him that he loves him, and Harry doesn’t think that he will ever get used to the feeling.

He and Liam stand side by side as Louis, and Zayn step behind a podium. The crowd dies down as he smiles at them all.

“Nearly a year ago my friend Zayn and I stood on steps similar to these. We were trying to do something good. Fight hate, protect those who couldn’t protect themselves. That day things went wrong, and people got hurt.

“Since that day, I took a lot of time to reflect, to work, and to find the good in the world. What I learned was that fighting hate with hate might have been a quick fix, it might have made me feel better, but it didn’t change anything. There were still hateful people in the world, living their lives, and there is nothing I can do to stop that. So a very smart, very kind person showed me that there could be another way.” Louis looks down at him, and smiles. Not a small, private smile, but a full blown grin, and Harry grins right back, so proud that he could possibly burst.

“So with a lot of hard work, and a lot of support, and a lot of love, I want to present to you The Malik Home. A place for young people who need a place to go, who need people who understand them, who can help them or even give them a warm bed to sleep.” The crowd applauds. “Let me introduce you to the man who inspired this endeavor. Zayn Malik.”

Zayn stands quietly in front of the podium. He can feel Liam tense beside him, and as he glances over he can see that Liam is biting his lip. Harry gives him a soft pat on the back. He to this day has no idea what there is between Liam, and Zayn except that they barely ever leave one another’s sides. He had learned from early on not to ask, and just be happy that they are both happy with the situation. Louis is not as easily placated, and every once in awhile will get into a full blown row with Zayn over it all, but that is them. Harry has learned to stay out of their issues as well.

“Good afternoon.” Zayn says into the mic. His voice is surprisingly strong and clear. “When I was fifteen years old I told my parents that I was gay. By that night I was on the street. I have been fighting since that day. Fighting for myself, for my life. Then, when I was able, for others. Make no mistake, it is still a battlefield out there for kids, sure things have progressed in the last twenty years, but there is still hate out there, and we need to do whatever we can to be there for those who can’t defend themselves against it. I want to send a special thank you to two people who are here today. They aren’t people who you would normally see at an event this, you might even have seen them, and thought they were here for crowd control, but they are here because they worked to make this happen just as much as Louis and I. Officers Harry Styles, and Liam Payne. They remind us that it takes a village, or a city, or an entire country to take care of the young people of this generation.” The audience applauds again, and Harry can feel the flush creep up into his ears. He gives a small wave to those closest to him, but he stays where he is, trying to maintain at least a small amount of dignity.

“So let’s cut this ribbon, and get to the cake!” Louis calls out, laughing heartily. The crowd cheers even louder. Especially near the back where the boys from the resource center are lingering. Harry claps loudly, and cheers along with the rest of them when the doors open, and people are welcomed inside.

  


“It was perfect.” Louis says as he crawls into bed. Their bed Harry had moved in with Louis less than a month ago. Harry has never been happier to share his bed.

“It was until Zayn called me out personally. That was embarrassing.” Harry chuckles. Louis swats his arm playfully.

“It was sweet. He was reaching out to you.” Louis responds. Harry just hums in agreement. His and Zayn’s relationship has been...interesting at best. They have never actually had any confrontation, but Harry has the feeling that Zayn doesn’t trust him. No matter what he does to try and change that.

“He knew he couldn’t gush about Liam without saying my name.” Harry replies. Louis laughs.

“Probably true.” Louis cuddles in close, wrapping a leg over Harry’s. “But I agreed with what he said anyway. None of it could have been done if it wasn’t for you.”

“Louis.” Harry says, embarrassed all over again.

“It’s true. We make a good team.” Louis insists.

“We do. Can’t argue with that.”

“Did you want to argue?” Louis teases.

“No. I want to sleep.” Harry shushes him and settles in. In love, and so so happy.

 

 

 

 

 

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**Author's Note:**

> Thank you Anitra for helping me through this, and the group chat. You are all wonderful, and I hope you enjoyed. I will put my tumblr as soon as it's not anon for anyone who has any questions. Much love. xo


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